Mirror Lake part 1 | Comments

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  • Great start, I was interested in the title and the plot so far is VERY original. I also want to point out that the little sister Sophia was handled quite well. Many writers these days make their kid characters too... contrived that it's hard to believe a kid would do/say the things the writer says they're doing. Sophia is not one of these contrived characters. From what I can tell she's intelligent, innocent, and cares about her sister Spring. I could instantly tell that she's five or six years old. I congradulate you on that, well done. There's a few things that you could improve on, the narration seems to be very fast paced. Fast paced narration is good for confusing moments, chaotic moments, or emotionally driven moments (like a first kiss for example, or a death scene). I hate to nitpick on this but the explainations could have been slower and expanded more ideas and emotions. I'm only telling you this because I think it's brilliant and original, you just need to further develop the whole scenario to really show the turmoil these characters are going through. There's also another tiny thing I want to adress. There's several mis-spelled words. I swear I'm not a grammar nazi, in fact I make the worst grammatical errors myself, but it just makes it more difficult for people to read that's the only reason why I'm pointing that out. Now enough of my nitpicking, I truly believe this was quite good I enjoyed reading it, the plot is original and the characters are handled so well I could cry tears of joy at how great they are (I'm serious I feel tears coming up) so good job and I hope to see part 2 :)

    Missy Prissy Cat
  • You're getting better with your writing :) The begining was great and you explained the situation really good.PART 2!

  • really deep in the beginning,props for that!Please make the next part soon!!!!

  • pleas post a comment I hope you liked it.

    shadow wolf 195
  • Whoa that was pretty deep in the beggining.... But great!:D I loved it! I cant wait for part 2!:D

  • oshum! :) waiting fur part 2


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