N109 Zone
Thread Topic: N109 Zone
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My side hurts.
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I do not like this.
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This site barely has any visitors nowadays, and im not trying to be rude, but it just makes me uncomfortable.
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Deep breaths.
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Nothing lasts forever...
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My system hates me. The others might feel im awkward to have around because of my unique role, but Aszerè hates me.
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Aszerè isnt just a gatekeeper...
He's a persecutor, and something really messed him up. Something he doesnt want to share. But now, everyone knows it.
He's the one who's been telling us to end ourselves because we're not enough, can't do anything right, or don't belong....
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And he hates me the most because im a split from him, so I carry the parts he decided were too "sinful" to carry. He most certainly, and quite frankly, does have a messiah complex.
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Aszerè and I talked. It was the first time since I got here that Aszerè actually spoke to me. I dont think he's ever addressed me before outside of telling me not to do something.
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Look at you, pathetic. And still in the same mess you desperately tried to remedy, erase, years ago. Back to the start. Never even mattered.
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I'm sick of existing.
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If this place shuts down, I have nowhere else to go. Not like i have friend groups to hang out with or communities that I feel comfortable in. This place is so relaxed.
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One of my gaming friends died a few days ago and I just found out today.
She had health problems and suddenly became very sick. She passed that night. But I feel like i can't and shouldnt grieve. Everyone else in the private server knew her by name. They knew her history, had video calls and actual visits with her. They were all close like family. I'm the only one in the server who wasnt seen in that sense even though ive been there for a year. I was more active in the server when I first joined, but I started feeling like an outsider looking in because everyone else called each other family and sometimes they would do things and say it was only for the people they saw as family, which was actually the entire server except me. So I felt like I was out of place and dropped off. I would lurk sometimes, and the last time I saw her post was on the 29th of last month. Now I feel guilty for not saying anything all those times. But I dont know. It's my fault. I wanted to say something about her, but we weren't that close and her friend who told us said he wanted people who actually knew her well, so that just felt like I was even less welcome. So I just offered my condolences and left. I didn't know what else to do at that point. But from what I experienced, she was kind, silly, full of determination, and lively. And im sure things will be different without her now. -
Her family posted her obituary today, so I guess it really isnt a scam. I kept telling myself maybe it was, but now it's clearly not. They have the service dates and locations already.
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