N109 Zone
Thread Topic: N109 Zone
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I'm upset because I'm supposed to enjoy drawing, and I drew something I usually like, and yet, I felt no pleasure in doing it or when I finished, but I didn't feel disinterest. It's like im unable to feel anything too deep.
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I feel no strong urge to do anything or not do anything at all.
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It's like someone is finally going to come to front, but then they just fade away and someone else tries and fails, or it just goes back to feeling like a flailing. It's like constantly needing to sneeze but never actually sneezing
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I messaged my therapist asking for help. I hope she sees it.
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Can someone please tell me what the f--- Jin's saying? I've been hearing this since yesterday. It's utter gibberish. Like, he speaks his own language and nobody understands him. He can speak English, and yet, since yesterday, he's been speaking whatever this is.
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I'm sick of my friend's entitlement. How are you gonna say "Im disabled and cant work" whenever you ask people for money, but then say "Im going to get a job to move to japan" when it's convenient for you? Your boyfriend buys you everything and you constantly show off everything you have as if you got it yourself. You constantly ask for money because you spend your disability check within a week of getting it on figures and digital characters. Now you're bragging in your status about spending $130 on a game but always asking for money. I don't care what you do with your own money, but what i do care about is being selective of when your disability is actually disabling.
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I'm a little stressed now. My therapist thinks im just in shock because nobody is fronting and im not used to that. That's not the problem. The problem is I have no sense of self whatsoever. I dont even feel like a human being. I feel like a clump of matter that just exists. I have no likes, no dislikes, no interests, no disinterest, im not happy, im not sad, and im just going through the motions if I try to calm myself or do something to trigger a feeling.
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Today has been really trying on my nerves. I feel pressured to self harm just so I feel something. It's been so long since I've done so. I just dont want to. What would I even feel if I did? I dont necessarily want to. I have no desire to, but it's like my mind is pushing for it because it knows I usually feel something afterwards.
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Whispers cut through the fog. Need to rest.
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