alexithymia
Thread Topic: alexithymia
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I'm sorry you're going through that
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I’m all good, just in an episode right now. I’m calling this feeling the Clamare
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I wish I wasn’t so difficult
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I’m really trying to be happy and easy to talk to and likeable
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Maybe this is just a cry for help that nobody’s hearing
It would be nice being someone’s someone again. But maybe being alone is better. It’s easier, and I don’t feel guilty when I’m too tired to respond because there’s nobody to respond to
I just hope my birthday this year is better than last year’s. I got to go see my favourite musical, which was amazing, but a lot of s--- happened that I suppose that’s the side effect of going to see something amazing. A good thing happens, a bad thing happens to balance it out.
I just hope it’s an uneventful day and I feel a little bit loved or wanted. Not like last year. One day of the year is fine, and I don’t feel guilty for expecting love because everyone does on their birthdays. The bad thing to balance it out will be my mother having to go on her work trip like she does every year on my birthday. -
i f---ing hate this school so much
and the fact that i know it wouldn't be better anywhere else. it's not the school that's the problem, its the teachers and the kids and mainly me
i dont understand what's wrong with me, i dont understand why people enjoy being so mean -
I feel horrible right now
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I can’t figure out why but I’m hating the feeling of my birthday being only a week away
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Maybe it’s just because everybody keeps pushing me to celebrate when all I want to do is sit in my room and rot. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t feel good. My feelings hurt and I don’t know why
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Maybe it’s just because I don’t have anyone to celebrate with. I don’t have any friends to have a party with. I wouldn’t enjoy a party anyway. I haven’t had one since third grade
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I just don’t feel good. The depression is coming back and I don’t like it
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I want to feel special on the day of my birthday. Not before and not after. ON the day. But my mum has to do a work trip on my birthday again so I can’t do it on the actual day and maybe it’s just my OCD but I’ve always hated the idea of celebrating on a day that’s not actually my birthday so I just refuse to do anything
27 and 29 aren’t good numbers anyway. 28 is.
I feel selfish taking up another bunch of days. And I feel selfish for needing to feel special, craving to be important and “the one”. But I’m just not. Nobody likes me for who I want to be and who I am. They like the idea of me because I’m never actually myself -
They wouldn’t like me if I didn’t pretend all the time anyway, and I know that. I’m an intolerable person to be around. I just wish I wasn’t
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It’s because I want to feel so loved and special and important every year on my birthday. I have high expectations that this one day will be special and for me and I’ll be happy but that expectation is never met because my mother always has work trips and I don’t have any friends to celebrate with me and my dad is emotionally absent and nobody does as much as I do for them.
I remember last year I got so sad when nobody posted birthday stories for me even though I did for everyone. And I had to spend that day in hospital because of my sister’s sickness. And I didn’t get any texts. It’s so selfish but I cried so much -
I’m really scared about tomorrow. I know that of it goes badly I’ll feel horrid for days and I don’t like giving that much power to some uncontrollable force of the universe
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