alexithymia
Thread Topic: alexithymia
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I am literally the definition of lipstick on a pig
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It’s fine. It’s fine. My mum got really mad at me for moving and crying halfway through, hence that crashout, but it’s fine
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I hate it. I really do. It’s so stupid, and I know I could be good at it since I’m an artist, but I hate it. It feels so gross on my face, and even after I’ve taken it off my face feels unsafe so I have to keep cleaning it and wiping it and checking for s---
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I’m such a f---ing failure
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I don’t want to become a parent because what if I become like my mother
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I’m so scared of becoming a bad person. Of getting addicted to substances. Of becoming insane or getting hallucinations or even religious psychosis (I’m an atheist)
My parents are none of those things. I love them. But I’m scared to be like them. And I’m terrified of becoming a bad person -
What if one day I wake up and suddenly I’m what I deem a bad person? Or I become so mentally sick that I’m not even myself anymore? It scares the s--- out of me, I’m so paranoid of losing memories or believing horrible things and seeing s--- that isn’t real. What if I get addicted to some substance, or start drinking, or hurt people? I don’t want to become a bad person and I don’t want to become like my mother.
Or even worse, I already am a bad person and I’m so far gone that I don’t realise it and I’m already hurting the people around me and I’ll die thinking I wasn’t a bad person. Or worser yet, I’m hallucinating s--- and everyone has to cater to my hallucinations, or nothing is real and I’m in some TADC s---, or I’m some 90-year-old in a coma. Oh god, what if I’m a 90-year-old in a coma that’s homophobic and racist and hits his wife and s--- -
Bad people don't worry about being bad people. You're not horrible, or broken. You're just a teenager going through life, as scary as it can be
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Thank you
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Sometimes I get scared that people around me can read my mind, so I can’t think the bad thoughts otherwise they’ll hate me
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Hey, ik i'm not a therapist, but that's a massive sign of OCD
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i did get diagnosed with OCD (did i tell you that if i didn't im v sorry) so good to know lol
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this world is so scary and horrible. and yet people laugh. its not fair
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its not funny. its never been funny. its horrible and it could happen to any of us. nobody cares about human rights until theirs are taken away, nobody understands it can happen so f---ing easily. its not fair that people who did nothing wrong have to live in horrible conditions just because not enough people care to help them
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and that people can so easily just decide to be hateful. they hate satanism because they're christian, so they say hateful things to satanists just because they can. they hate black people because they're white, so they say hateful things to people of colour just because they can. then they never apologise and get away with it because of "free speech"
people laugh about the situations happening all over the world but its real and i don't understand how people go to sleep at night without being scared of something bad happening on the other side of the world while they sleep
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