alexithymia
Thread Topic: alexithymia
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“I want to draw” proceeds to not draw because I’m stinky
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I legit sat here all day going “hey I’m gonna finish my jester sona drawing today” then just. didn’t what is wrong with me
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Nothing in the world makes sense. I will gladly give anyone an alphabetical list and why in fact I want to but I’ll look crazy if I write it here but good lord I have a lot to rant about
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It’s just stupid like are we serious
Like whoever is punishing us by making us live in this no sense imperfect world can you stop it’s been a million years you’ve had your revenge -
I can’t and don’t want to do anything unless it’s perfect. So I just say in bed all day
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I need to vent about a lot of things but idk how to put it into words
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I feel unwanted. I just want someone to love me for once
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I just want to feel wanted by someone instead of feeling like this. I don’t know if I’m the problem because all my life I’ve never really had a friend. And last year when I did I got overwhelmed from her affection and overthought everything about us until I finally stopped and she left. Either way I’ll be unhappy but I can’t experience that giddy joy I used to feel whenever she showed love to me since she left. I just want to be happy
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Everyone my age has managed to make and keep friends so I must be the problem. But every time I think I’m neurodivergent I find or interact with another neurodivergent person and they’re like actually neurodivergent and I don’t act like them at all I’m almost more normal than them so I get this huge imposter syndrome and they’re weird in the bad way which is stupid because it makes me feel like I just don’t like the unromantisiced version of mental illness but maybe I just don’t like hearing about how SA and abuse constantly and I’m too scared to tell them to please stop talking about that and please stop biting me. But I can’t connect with a lot of neurotypical people my age because they have no sympathy and they make kys jokes and I’m too woke and sensitive and I get overwhelmed too easily for that and they expect too much so I’m just stuck in the middle wondering where my place is because they wouldn’t like me anyway
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And everything is falling apart. The roof keeps leaking and we’re out of buckets and I don’t know who I am anymore and I can’t bring myself to do anything and I don’t have the hairbrush I use every day anymore and all my parents talk about is weight and money
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What is wrong with me
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I can’t just go to someone and be like “hi I’m struggling with everything”
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“Like I have always I just didn’t notice it wasn’t normal until now and now it’s like too much”
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