alexithymia
Thread Topic: alexithymia
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Basically idk what the f--- I’m doing
I feel like I’m trying to be someone else. I’m just mimicking other people’s emotions and way of interacting, so the moment I’m alone and have nobody to mimic or don’t know who to mimic or everyone is being so different and telling me different things, I have no idea what the f--- to do -
I wish I could just restart life
Why can’t my life be like what I want it to be and what I see everywhere -
Like why can’t I be what I want to be and what I see everywhere
Why can’t I be the cool main character with cool interests and close friends and not get exhausted by every interaction and not mimic literally everything because I have no interesting personality of my own and have no idea to function normally -
I don’t feel like the meds are working
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I just hate my grandma
She shows up for a week and expects everyone to drop everything to hang out with her just for her to make points about the economy and complains about how our area (that is called something that references the sun because aUsTraLiA) is rainy because god forbid -
She’s a lot like my mum tbh
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Ughhhh I’m so tired
I got overstimulated during rehearsal and was barely surviving -
We did a runthrough of act one and tbh it’s not that bad. The actual show won’t be hard, it’s just the getting there, rehearsals and the coping with people in between songs
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Today was a lot
A lot of gender dysphoria, got overwhelmed (I’m scared of using overstimulated but that’s another story), lots of imposter syndrome, depressed, etc -
I don’t know how to function and just live atp. How do I get through life
I don’t have a diagnosis but I know something is wrong with me. I can’t make friends or get through the day without some kind of breakdown and all I do is mimic other peoples emotions until I’m alone and have drastic mood swings -
Yeah I don’t think the meds are working
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I have to go to the doctor again today
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I can’t do this I can’t do this
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I crashed out in front of my doctor
She kept pushing and asking if I was going to hurt myself because apparently I gave off that impression and asked how I would kill myself if I was going to and if I’ve thought about it and I’ve obviously thought about it
Why would I tell her, that’s a one way trip to a mental hospital because she’s a doctor and doctors aren’t trustworthy
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My mum wants me to move schools again and keeps asking dumb questions. I’m going up a dose in antidepressants. I’m so f---ing tired of life. I’m miserable and burnt out and I just don’t want to keep doing this
The doctor kept saying it’ll get better once I get out of high school. But there are adults here who are miserable being adults so I don’t have much hope
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