i'm going into a downward spiral. 100% not gonna make it through today without a breakdown. eating? no....
i can't do this. my siblings are gone and i miss them. my dad is gone and i miss him. my cat's gone, my guinea pig is gone, my life's purpose is gone. i have no contact with ran...
ran is gone, alex, accept it. you don't know them.
but you still love them. maybe more like family or friend instead of the partner-type love.
you don't deserve her. you don't deserve your current girlfriend. you don't deserve lexi.
you don't deserve to bother blizz....
if i left, would it even matter to them? would they even care if i disappear?
i'll be home alone next week....
if i die, would anyone care?
i'm done with these stupid superficial posts in this thread. i'm done. i'm not okay. i'm not sane. i hear voices, i have flashbacks, my ptsd isn't getting any better.
no one believes me when i say i'm hurting. no one believes me when i say i want to die. no one thinks i'm suicidal... no one even guesses....
i'm practically an orphan. no one loves me. i lost all family, any ties with any one....
i'm dead. i'm a shell of what i used to be. i worry about blizz, i worry about ran...
i have nothing. i am nothing.
i'm dead. i'm already dead.
my heart is hard and cold and petrified.
i don't feel anymore. i'm done. it's useless. they probably don't even like me.... i doubt it. blizz probably just sticks around because they know about my separation anxiety. i can't keep doing this...
