i hate the feeling when i wake up and check the computer and get excited when blizz responded, but give it a few minutes/hours and it feels like i'm burdening them or being a problem.
i can't go back and read blizz and i's rp thread. it makes me cry because it hurts what i used to be. i know i suffered a lot in nh but i still had ran and blizz and i were close. much closer than we are now. i hate having these pathetic little meltdowns. i just prove every time that i am a problem, that i am a burden. i can't do this... i can't...
we told cyrystal that the others hate me. alex is the hated one now. all the trauma, all the pain, all the weight the others used to bear, now fell back on me. it hurts. i have no way out since all others except for don and anna are jerks too me. anna is barely awake, usually crying, don is trying to stay the front, to keep from letting everyone know how much we all changed. i can't handle it. every night alone, i give in, don lets me out and i cry. over stupid stuff. songs, responses from blizz, words. thanks to devin, curo, and zumae we're now a f**ked up mess. thanks so f**king much guys. thanks.
