I don't know how I'm going to survive having a job when I'm like this, but the overwhelming fear of debt and financial problems is always on the back of my mind. Always. I feel guilty when I pick up a snack off of the shelf, or when I ask for a brand that's an extra $2-4 dollars because it's "better." I have a lot of breakdowns over the self awareness of our situation. And when my grandfather hounds me on getting a job, I feel like I'm useless and that I will never amount to much of anything in this family. I'm so broken that I can't do a basic function like calling someone on the phone to ask about job opportunities.
If that was in reference to something that's been said earlier, I'd rather not talk about it/poke fun at it.
But if that was a legitimate suggestion, two things:
1. I have a few months before I can technically make use of that.. ^^'
2. I'm too insecure to go out on dates w/people I've never met before (or at all) and I'm pretty s---ty at conversations