YO MAMMA JOKES
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:13pm
Thread Topic: YO MAMMA JOKES
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Fair Maiden, you can scale my battlements any day!
What's a princess like you doing in a dungeon like this?
I'd rather be beheaded than be denied a date with you.
Yes, I am indeed a wizard. Watch me make your clothes disappear!
When I was put on the rack in the inquisition, my limbs weren't the only things that got stretched.
What a fine set of chalices you have.
It seems as if my dragon has finally found a nice cave to rest in.
You wouldn't happen to know where a lonely knight could sheath his sword, would you?
Is that a knife in your armor? Or are you just happy to see me?
If I were a horse, I'd rather you mounted me without the saddle.
Would you care to see my longsword in action?
You look like a maiden in distress, why don't I save you?
Your chastity belt would look great on the floor of my sleeping chamber.
I most certainly am King in bed! Shall I prove it to you?
It's not the size of the staff that matters, but the magic within.
I am beset by this dragon in my loins, and only you can quench its fire!
Don't believe the rumours you've heard... the Bubonic plague didn't affect my important organs.
Like a mare, I can be ridden for hours.
They say a knight is always as hard as his armor.
What a fine gown you're wearing, my lady. Perchance may I talk you out of it?
I may not be a priest, but I can take you to the heavens, princess.
Come up to my chamber and I'll show you the largest treasure in the land. -
ain't got four leaves, baby, but if you pluck me, I'll give you luck!
Why don't you come catch a leprechaun with me. Maybe together we'll get Lucky!
Tip o' the Trojan to ye!
So you actually kissed the Blarney Stone? Tongue or no tongue?
If you don't sleep with me, the leprechauns have already won!
Lassie, it's your ancestral duty to drive the snake out of my pants!
Well, lass, we're the only ones still standing. How about a go?
You look magically delicious, and I just happen to be a cereal lovemaker.
Well, ye caught me, lass! Now I can grant ye one wish, as long as it involves sex.
How’d you like to help put the Irish Spring back into me shillelagh? -
I've checked it twice, and I'm sure you're on my "naughty" list.
Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
I know when you`ve been bad or good...so let`s skip the small talk!
You are what I want for Christmas.
I`ve got something special in the sack for you!
Some of my best toys run on batteries...
Are you interested in seeing the "North Pole"?
I see you when you`re sleeping & you don`t wear any underwear...
Can I take your picture? (Why?) Because I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas.
Please do not be alarmed if a big man wearing a red suit picks you up and throws you into a bag. (Why?) Because I asked for you for Christmas.
How about I slip down YOUR chimney, at half past midnight?
That's not a candy cane in my pocket. I'm just glad to see you!
Come sit on my lap. I’ve got a special gift just for you.
I've got you on my "nice and naughty list!
I know when you`we been bad or good.
Hey Cutie ever do it in a sleigh?
I like milk and cookies but I would rather have you
He may have a nice car but I have a fast sleigh
Nice wrapping but I need to inspect it
Wanna meet Santa’s little helper?
Shouldn't you be sitting on top of the tree, Angel?
You know, I'd love to show you the toys my elves make for adults.
Wanna see my 12-inch elf?
Even Santa doesn’t make candy as sweet as you.â€
I’ve got the keys to the sleigh tonight.
I can get you off the Naughty List. -
I want to ask you out, but I've got butterflies in my stomach. And worms. And maggots...
That skeleton over there said he'd get your number for me, but he didn't have the guts, so here I am.
When I saw you walk in, I got so hot, my skin melted. Literally. Around here, it's an "in" look.
Pardon me for drooling, but without my jaw, I can't help myself!
Please come home with me. You never know what I'll turn into, at midnight!
Hey baby, you've captured my eye. Could I have it back? It's the only one I've got, to fall in love with you at first sight.
Mmm baby! You're decomposing in ALL the right places!
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My foot isn't the only part of me that's lucky!
I'm in the mood to multiply.
There's an Easter parade in my pants... wanna go?
I'll show you where Easter eggs come from - you may be surprised!
Ever done it on a pile of artificial grass? -
I must be huntin' treasure, 'cause I'm diggin' yer chest!
Ya certainly put the shiver in me timber!
Me skull and crossbones aren't the only things I plan on raisin' tonight!
Nice poop deck on ya, lady. Care for a swabbin'?
Let me stick me cannon in your porthole.
Arrrrrrrrrrrrr you free this Saturday?
Is that an 'X' on the seat of your pants? 'Cause it appears that there's wond'rous booty buried underneath!
Yo, ho ho! How 'bouts a bottle of rum?
Do ya mind if the parrot watches?
Strike yer panties and prepare to be boarded, lassie!
(approach your target and place your arm on their nearest shoulder)
"If you were a pirate, would you place your parrot on THIS shoulder or...
(put your arm around them and touch the other shoulder)
THIS shoulder?" -
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING PICK UP LINES ARE CHRISTIANITY THEMED
Now I know why Solomon had 700 wives... Because he never met you.
For you I would slay two Goliaths
You float my ark.
I didnt believe in predestination until tonight.
The word says 'Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry'; how about dinner?
I know its absurd, but every time I walk towards you, it feels like im being lead to bethlehem.
My spiritual gift is my good looks... it lifts peoples spirits
You are so unblemished that I would sacrifice you.
You are perfect, except with all the sin.
I went on a beach mission but all I ended up doing was mission you.
Is this the transfiguration.. because you are glowing
I used to believe in natural theology, but since I met you I've converted to divine revelation
Bathsheba had nothing on you
Mark Driscoll takes up 35% of my ipod memory.
Bible-Gateway happens to be my homepage.
Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Gilead
How many times do I have to walk around you to make you fall for me?
How would you like to join my Purpose Driven Life?
If you say no, I will rip out my hair and my beard
Unfortunately I cant perform miracles and I've only got enough bread and fish for 2 people.
It's obvious to me that you sprouted from the good kinda soil.
I believe one of my ribs belongs to you.
I just don't feel called to celibacy.
I'm a proverbs 32 kind of guy and you're a proverbs 31 kinda woman...
If we were around with Noah... then you, me... pair.
Let me sell you an indulgence because it's a sin to look as good as you do.
I'm pretty much considered an elder in the congregation these days
Me. You. Song of Songs: the remix.
When I read philippians 4:8, I think about you.
I would leave 99 sheep to come and find you... and then I would carry you home joyfully on my shoulder
Look, you're nearly 22. Most christians are 3 years into marriage by now... just settle for me.
You make me want to be a better Christian.
You make the Queen of Sheba look like a hobo.
Do you need prayer? because I am certainly willing to lay hands on you. -
Yo mamma is so stupid,she thought tree were just really tall bracoli so she started to climb one and when she got to the top,she started to chew on the leaves then said "It taste funny."
Yo mamma is so stupid,she thought online is when you find a line and go on it. -
Your mamma is so old she was the waitress of the last supper.
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i said that one
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anyone online?
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Girl_Almighty NewbieREAD THE FIRST PAGE!IT IS REALLY FUNNY!
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Please do not bump threads that haven't been posted on in years.
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Girl_Almighty NewbieI was looking at old threads and I thought it was funny.I had to bump it up.
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There is such a thing as copy paste.
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