My OFFICIAL thread
Thread Topic: My OFFICIAL thread
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Reading on a planet creator, here.
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Thats all that there is to say, Savannah.
Well I guess I'm pretty damn forgiving, because I do you. And I have done that before, years ago, and I hated myself for it, too, but now it's nothing to me. Do something similar, but quicker, and you'll be fine. You're my best friend on this entire f---ing site, Savannah. Whats sad is that you think I couldn't forgive you, although I am a bit disappointed -
Sounds fun. xD
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Wen: Yes, but the good thing is that once you overcome it completely, you will know how to deal with those kinds of people for the rest of your life. What we go through builds our character. Without character, we might be just as bad as the ones who bullied us.
Alek: That's stressful. Hopefully you'll make some new friends at the new school. I'm hoping I can make more friends this year, too, when I start public. -
...and, just to find is this story up to date, right now I hate my guts, literally, I am depressed, secluded, and refuse to speak or interact with anyone unless absoulutly necessary.. I was so close to salvation not three weeks ago... now I am so far gone there is no hope for me. I only want things to be the way they were eight months ago... I miss everything about the past so much I was wrenched over on the ground about to throw up-- partly from present disgust, partly from hunger, partly from being emotionally overburdened, partly from being stressed as hell, partly because I am so f---ed up in all fairness, I make Jozy look like the most blessed creature on earth, partly because I am a low filthy scum and I can't figure out what to do with myself, partly because I am ugly and need someone to rip my libs apart and feed them to dogs, partly be as I have managed to single-handedly overturned every meaningful friendship I have ever had without even trying, partly because every thing I have ever done is deserving of death and I can't find a way to die. Gosh, I want to die so f---ing badly if I wasnt the pathetic little coward I am I would find the worse way to die possibly and follow it's steps right this moment, party because my physical body-- despite its unattractive attributes-- is worth s--- and I am so many f---ing genetically problems if I don't die now, I will collapse internally before I am twenty one, and partly because... because I was almost free! I almost had a life! I almost found it in my heart to trust and believe again! And then the same f---ing thing that always happens to me took over again and now there is no hope for me so just fume at me all you want. Damm me right now becuase I deserve it. Let me crawl back into the sewers where I belong, the talentless, a reckless screw up I have always been....
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*sigh* okay.
I... am not deserving of any forgiveness even if you can give it to me... I can't accept any forgivness.. I am sorry... I don't deserve it. -
Yeah... well not to long ago I was over it completly... I know what ito was like to have that rock solid foundation built around that problem... the problem now is that one of the girls finally opened up to me and begged for my friendship... then when I let her in I made a fool of myself and spilled everything.... I have known her for so long... she comforted me in my weakest moments... she gave me a piece of herself.. and now... now I refuse to look at her face...
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It is indeed. XD
Yeah, last school was a failed attempt at doing so but I learned a lot, maybe I'll be too mature to make friends there instead of too immature. XD
That sounds like something I'd have said 3 months ago. Stop copying my emotions or you really will go down in f---ing flames and I can't let you go through that s---...
Yes, Savannah, you do.
And I know what that's like too. But things will get better, I promise, I f---ing SWEAR. You just need to wait. -
Oh, and you want to go into genetic problems? Try not having a f---ing iris, damnit.
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*teleports there* That is interesting..
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I just wish those words were getting through to me.... sorry, but I am fighting to fall because salvation has failed me one too many times. I can't find the light anymore and I won't look for it.
No, just no...
No. I am sick of waiting. I am sick of trusting, I am sick of seeking.... I am done. -
Wen: "there is no hope for me". That is dangerous territory you are in. Just know that when you say things like that, God is heartbroken. He will offer you so many wonderful things when the time is right, Savannah. Without Him, you are basically on the path to self-destruction. I'm sure you know all of this and have been told this many times. But I care about you and I want you to remember Him. By saying there is no hope left, you are denying God of everything that he's done for you, that he is going to do for you. I'm sorry to sound so religious all of a sudden, but it really scares me, what you wrote just now. There is never a time where it's too late. It may feel like that, but it isn't. I used to self-harm and I've been clean since May. And I know that even if I relapse, God will still take me back. God forbid I relapse. Anyway, I'm just trying to expres how much I do not want you to ever leave this world like that.
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huh?
Savannah, just hang in there,
Yes.
Then just let it consume and almost f---ing KILL you like it did me. It changes you, so for every slice of time you let it sink in the less like your old self you'll become. -
f---, try sleep apnea, chrones, celiac, psoriasis, diabetes, and, being constantly on the lookout for skin cancer, several smaller allergies, and heart attacks. When you have to go to the hospital in agonizing pain every time you accidentally eat a cookie come find me, I will be sitting outside the waiting room waiting for my dad to get out worried af and waiting for my issues -- although comparing mild -- to get that bad. Do you understand what it is like to stop breathing when you sleep and the feeling like someone is squeezing your intestines? No iris may be a problem, but don't act like your problems are worse than mine because you don't get s--- every time you go swimming about lathering sunblock on to avoid my genetic skin cancer. Funny thing is I go burnt crisp at the lake and can't even smile my skin is so raw.
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Nvm :P
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Savannah I could list all the bs my family has gotten, some of it kills you within the first few months having it some of it just makes you be in constant --and very very bad -- pain for days or weeks on end. But I won't. Because I worry about the problems I have, not the ones I could.
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