Funny and True Statements 5

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Are you in a bad mood? Are you up for a good laugh? If so, you've come to the right place. In this fifth installment of Funny and True Statements, I've selected my top 23 best funny quotes and put them on this site to share with you all.

I hope this makes you laugh! Rate and leave comments telling me your favorite statements I used! Take my other quizzes! (Funny and True Statements 6 should be coming up soon, watch out for that.)

Created by: Fallout3

Are you ready for...
Our "When Will I Die" Quiz?

  1. Showers have only two options-third degree burns and skinny dipping in Antarctica.
  2. You're sitting in the theater, ready to watch the movie, when a human giraffe sits down in front of you.
  3. Brushing your teeth and then drinking orange juice is worse than death.
  4. Good friends help you up when you fall. Best friends laugh and trip you again.
  5. When someone you don't like asks you to hang out: "Sorry, I can't. My uncle's cousin's sister-in-law's best friend's insurance agent's roommate's goldfish just died. Maybe next time."
  6. You know you're tanning wrong when you look like you just rolled out of a bag of Cheetos.
  7. Cleaning your room: 10% cleaning, 30% complaining, 60% playing with cool stuff you thought you'd lost.
  8. A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a best friend will be in the next cell over saying, "That was freaking awesome."
  9. What it actually says: Do not touch. What you read: Touch when nobody is looking.
  10. Only in math problems is it completely normal for someone to go to the store and buy 90 watermelons.
  11. The biggest lie ever: "I have read and agree to the terms of use."
  12. If people winked as much in real life as they did in text messages the world would be a pretty creepy place.
  13. Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason people have trust issues.
  14. However sad you feel, just remember: somewhere in the world a fat kid has just dropped his ice cream cone.
  15. "Hi, welcome to Abercrombie. Would you like a flashlight?"
  16. Cell phones ruined the fun of pushing fully clothed people into pools.
  17. If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
  18. Hand sanitizers: the quickest way to find a cut.
  19. There's no panic like pressing the 'end call' button after making an accidental call.
  20. After watching a scary movie, you accept the fact that every shadow is trying to kill you.
  21. Dear face wash commercial, people don't actually splash their faces with water like that. Sincerely, my bathroom floor is now soaking wet.

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