N109 Zone
Thread Topic: N109 Zone
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I told her a week okay I really wasnt doing great, but nobody gives a crap, and in the end, nobody could/would help me, so it didnt make a difference. I am still very much in that position. And nothing can be done to help.
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My art is trash my art is trash my art is trash my art is trash
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Not okay. Thought we'd be better since we have money, but we're not better guys. And impulsive thoughts about buying something for the sake of feeling better... i dont want to spend up my money for my trip.
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Dont you hate yourself?
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I feel so disgusted and I hate everything.
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Too stressed and depressed to eat tonight.
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Today i realized I am not losing weight because im healthy. Its not because im starving myself either. It's because my f---ing workplace is working me literally to death. By the time I have lunch. It's been about 8 or 9 hours since I had breakfast or any other food. I almost never get to take 15 now, which is what I used it for, getting a snack and some water. I'm losing more weight than I did going to the gym. And then my body crashes from the strain every time I come home. And then I feel too sick to eat anything and have to hope it clears up after resting a bit or else im fasting until breakfast the next day.
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I dont want people to fix me. I just want them to be here. Me telling you about my problems doesnt mean I want you to fix me, especially if you asked me what was wrong. You asked, so I answered. But somehow it's my fault and you blow up at me when you cant fix me and you're sick of hearing about how im not okay. I told you because you asked and made me think I could f---ing trust you.
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This all could've been avoided if i just never went to the hospital. Would've been done.
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Two chicken wings and a piece of broccoli. That was my dinner. Haven't really been eating well. Make grilled cheese but only eat half of it. Immediately felt sick after eating breakfast. At this point, I just eat whatever I can throughout the day. A piece of chocolate, a random handful of chips. Anything to keep from feeling worse, but somehow I still feel worse.
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Also, im really hating my art because there's literally no consistency between it.
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I feel like I'm dying. I just keep doing random ass s--- because I'm physically still here.
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I feel sickly inside. I never want to eat, never can find sleep. Always waking up at night. I do things and seem happy, but it doesn't last. Do things to distract but I still have the same thing to return to every time I'm done.
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f---ing send me over the edge. Was that the plan of it all?
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Not feeling any better. Just angry...
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