N109 Zone
Thread Topic: N109 Zone
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Hadn't noticeable switched in forever, I thought. It was jarring.
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And suddenly, I feel guilty for everything I do to survive this hell and find a sliver of joy in a life I never wanted to live.
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Physically quiet but the inside is deafening with Mona's wailing and it hurts. It's feels incredibly painful, like im torn in two, shattered. Incredibly broken. I dont even know what to say.
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I'm so f---ing done with this s---, man. I dont know what to say, what I can say that wont get me in trouble at this point. There is so much I want to say that I cant for obvious reasons.
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You literally have no idea what happened today at work that I didn't come back and trauma dump about. You have no idea what occured last night or even years ago that I didnt mention
I'm sorry if im not taking this well, but I had several other things on my plate before this crap got dropped on me. -
If I constantly avoid eating with people, it could very well be because im so f---ing overwhelmed and need to do things on my own time so my body doesnt just throw up because it refuses to cooperate under the weight of existing around other people who contribute to the noise of the world around me.
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I'm still sick of being alive. Went to do something and just felt drained and wanted to die regardless, so...
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And im just the piece of trash.
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Stupid, stupid, stupid.
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I just suddenly really hate myself and I hate my art and I hate everything I'm doing in life. Like, what's the point? I hate what happened to my childhood, I hate my job, I hate my current life.
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Stop crying
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I need therapy sooner than Friday. Too much is happening.
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I dont feel right.
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