N109 Zone
Thread Topic: N109 Zone
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Fighting it hurts more than just letting myself drift off.
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Feeling like I fail the few people I'm somewhat comfortable around.
But right now feeling this, being here, this existence makes me feel gross and I just don't want to feel this. What the hell is this feeling that literally makes me want to escape my own skin?
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Yeah, never mind. I think i just need to f---ing..
Idk -
I just want to rip something apart, man. I've had it thoroughly. Like I guess we don't cry anymore. We just get really angry and want to punch holes in the walls. Rage room without the room. Just rage. It doesnt seem to go away. Just like the smallest thing and I am completely done. All the way done. How many times am I going to hear people arguing?
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I'm stressed and stress hasn't even been making me cry. Just get extremely angry.
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Idk what i am.
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Nothing to do, no one to trust but myself.
Now there's an exquisite little hell. -
Sometimes I feel like just not showing up. At all. To life. Just stay hidden away, not even in bed. Just gone from everyone and everything until I feel better.
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I have to pay to talk.
They closed at 10pm.
Oh well. -
I hate this s--- so much. I feel sick. I'm tired. I just dont feel great.
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The amount of times I've thought about taking a razor to the head cause I literally do not like my hair. It's just a strain on me, it's time consuming, and a commitment I never asked for. Literally just more s--- I was born into and never got a say in.
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What do you even do when you're having really bad intrusive thoughts but also literally nobody you know can help you, but it's not bad enough to go anywhere for that but also, nobody would listen to you if you tried to reach out because they're too obsessed with if you're actually going to do it to listen to and acknowledge your problems and you can't really trust anyone unprofessional because they'll get way too triggered but you have therapy the next day and should be fine because it'll probably pass but you just feel like you're going insane while you try to wait it out and the images of those thoughts just grow more vivid and loud inside? I don't plan on doing anything, but i dont like how loud everything is. How vividly i see it.
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It's not grandeur, I'm off my meds
I'm no danger, so call the feds
I'm no stalker
I just ignore restraining orders all the time -
It's probably something that shouldn't be said out loud.
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I'm not allowed to take naps, the only sleep I really get when insomnia is bad, so my mental health is literally ass and intrusive thoughts are through the roof telling me it'll soothe me if i act on them when that doesnt logically make sense but the sensory part of me thinks it will.
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