How do you express love or affection?
- Locked due to inactivity on Oct 13, '22 3:54am
Thread Topic: How do you express love or affection?
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Because I've often felt like I'm not doing a good job at letting people know I care for them because in real life, I'm not very verbal w that kind of things like compliments and things
I think my love language is different and I was curious about yours! How do you express love? -
I'm not sure. I know physical touch is a main one, but I'm so starved of it I might just think that because it's screaming I need hugs and things like that.
I know acts of service is a big one. I love helping the people I care about, doing random things to make their lives just a touch easier, things like that.
But if someone tries helping me with the task I'm doing, I get heavily irritated, unless I ask them to help (which rarely happens)
Compliments, I'm not sure. I want to compliment people, but I can never think of a compliment, plus I'm not very good at putting myself into words.
But if someone else compliments me, I'm just in shock because I'm very used to words being used to tear down than build up.
And so I want other people to feel that happiness when they get a compliment, but I really struggle to find words, and things like that.
Gifts are kind of specific. If you were at the store and were like, "I saw this and thought of you," it doesn't really mean as much to me for some reason.
But if you're like, here, you can have this, or I was going through my things and thought you'd enjoy this, it means more to me. I don't know why, but yeah.
Quality time is a big one too. If you don't spend time with me, it feels like you don't want to be around me and want to be rid of me.
And for someone I care about, I want to show that I want to be with them. -
My love language—I have two of them. Mine are quality time, and (don't choke, but) physical touch, and a lot of it.
How do I clearly show that I care about you? Spending time with you, duh. Otherwise, I wouldn't.
Even though I don't seem like the type, I enjoy a good long hug and time to snuggle, given it's the right person, otherwise I hate it. You could say I'm much like a cat, in that area, but, it is what it is. -
I express love and affection differently, depending on the other person. Like if it's my mom, I know what means the most to her is acts of service. So doing little things for her really means a lot to her.
My best friend is super touchy and likes hugs and her main love language is words of affirmation. So even tho words of affirmation is probably like my lowest love language, I'm still careful with making sure I'm saying words that really support her and build her up. Usually that's just being honest with telling her her strengths and telling her that her emotions are valid. So it's not exactly giving a compliment, but it's recognizing and acknowledging the things she does best and the things she cares about. I think it's also loving to just be a good listener and let her talk. And since she does love physical touch I make sure to give her plenty of hugs, and to cuddle when watching a movie, or to hold her hands. It's not a weird thing. So it's really about understanding the other person and what means the most to them -
I'm a giver and a do-er.
I think part of it comes from receiving most of my validation as a kid from my actions. I did most of the house chores and learned that people gave me praise for doing things for them so now as an adult I insist on doing a lot.
The only difference is now things that I used to get praise for is just considered doing what's expected of me. Going above and beyond is often considered doing the bare minimum at work so I have really struggled with anxiety and emotional damage at work because I don't feel validated.
It's definitely a struggle because I receive a lot of love from words of affirmation. I put a lot of work into gifts too so when people don't give me the reactions I want it makes me feel very dejected. -
I express love romantically by giving hugs (sometimes at random), socializing with that person, and giving compliments
Platonically is pretty much the same, just yk- not romantic.
The compliments I like to/often give are:
"Your hair looks healthy" /given if their hair isn't greasy
"You have pretty eyes" /lol, I'd never give this to someone I view romantically, I'd die of embarrassment
"I like your hoodie/shirt/jacket" /I only use that compliment if that piece of clothing doesn't smell terrible and actually looks nice /hj
"I wish my hair was as straight/curly/floofy as yours was-" /yes -
Words of affirmation because I don’t believe in myself lmao
Also I would say physical affection but tbh anything beyond hand holding or hugging feels awkward for me -
I need a boyfriend, but I’m not pretty enough
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I honestly hate affection alot I like to be more of a loner instead.
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