Somehow I'm Alive (part 8) | Comments

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  • Fantastic! I was so happy when I looked on here and saw this in the new quizzes list, totally made my day :D I think I relate more to Jaslina, because she's more like me - but I can understand how difficult it must be for Ryan, trying to throw off everything bad that he's had to do... not very good at explaining, but you get what I mean :P I really like the way you have the two different narrators; it means you can understand them both more, and also you can see more of what's happening generally :) You should definitely keep that! The only other comment I have is that sometimes it's kind of confusing when you switch between present and past tenses in the narrating! If I'm telling a story in the 1st person (e.g. I did such-and-such) then I normally use past tense, or if I'm telling it in the 2nd person (you do such-and-such...) then I use the present. I'm sure either tense is fine, that's just the way i do it :P But it's easier to follow if it's more consistent... having said which you probably have a very good reason when you switch, because the present tense makes it more immediate. So yeah, feel free to ignore! Anyway, just want to say thank you for such a brilliant story, this is actually one of my favourites ever, and it's so hard to wait for the next part!!

    Innominate
    1
  • Awesome part :D and I like Jaslina better than Ryan. Ryan kinda reminds me of a crazy person for some reason :P

    DaughterOfApollo
    1
  • part 9!! i have a secret crush on ryan :3 that's not longer secret :) we're escaping! oh yeah!!! can't touch this NA NA NA NA! NA NA! NA NA can't touch this OOH! yeah :)

    Twisted_Roots
    1
  • Ooooh my comment is so long! bet you went to sleep before the end... sorry :P

    Innominate
    1

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