maladaptive
Thread Topic: maladaptive
-
Who is in front I cannot tell
-
I love that my taste in music is System of a Down and Slipknot, Clover likes Cosmo Sheldrake and Hozier, and Bunny likes Girl in Red and Nicole Dollanganger
ALSO we have a collective strawpage now -
I think my blood sugar is tanking way down, I'm so shaky and sweaty rn
-
switchy switchy switchy
-
I am constantly feeling like I'm second place to everyone, in my own life. I am insanely jealous of my siblings. I'm the oldest of three, my brother is a year younger than me and my sister is a little over three years younger than me. I'm jealous of them both, especially my sister. It feels like she got everything I wanted. She's 5'8, while I'm 5'5. She is skinny and lean, where I am on the heavier side (both due to metabolism). She has a round face, soft features, big eyes, olive skin tone; I have sharper features, small eyes, and really pale skin with a lot of acne and weird freckles. She's on the volleyball team and I haven't been in sports for 6 years. She has a good number of friends and I have two (one I have consistent issues with and the other is online). She is prettier than me, and people are not scared to overlook me to tell her that she's pretty all the time. I hang onto the one time when a zoo gift shop worker told me I was pretty and I honestly didn't believe her at the time. It's not even just physical things, either. When my sister had breathing issues, she got diagnosed with asthma and was given an inhaler; meanwhile, I was told to just sit down for a while. When my sister had struggles in math and reading, she got an IEP and help with both of those; My struggles with math that I've had since 1st grade weren't helped, the best I got was one year of title because one teacher recommended it while all other teachers just ignored it. My sister is very empathetic, sweet, and a people pleaser. I've been told to my face by my mom that I'm a b---- and no one wants to talk to me (in a joking manner). She visibly SHed once, and my mom noticed, and my mom got worried over my sister; a few years prior, when my mom found out about my attempted physical SH, she blamed me for it. I feel like I was the test run so my sister could be perfect and I hate it. I hate her and I know I shouldn't because she didn't do anything wrong. What do I even do.
-
DID WE GET A NEW HEADMATE CMON BRO LEAVE ME ALONEEEE
-
Trying to understand who this new one is they need to front for a while so we know. bro go make a Pinterest board so we know your vibe. PLEASE
-
i miss what the dsmp was
so i got into the fandom rlly late, like 2023-2024 late (it was done in 2022).
the dsmp was one of those things people around me liked but I didn't--I was a huge fnaf fan at the time. I remember our friend at the time being super into it (his favorite was Wilbur soot). I maybe watched one episode of it ever before 2022.
then june 2022 happened. june 30th, my friend S told me that technoblade had passed away. I don't handle change well, even one that doesn't affect me. the worst thing I could've done was what I did--watch the video techno's dad posted.
the following year moved slow for that and other reasons. some bad things happened between 2021 and 2024, for us personally. in 2024 (I remember some version of myself existing) started watching dreamsmp, even though it was considered problematic and bad because of dream (and later Wilbur). I really enjoyed it. the pure chaos. the heavy lore. the people in it. the music and fanart that came out of it.
I miss that. I miss how simple it was. i want to go back to 2021. I wanna go back to before things went wrong. I want to go back, with the knowledge I have, and make better decisions. I wanna go back, to a time before M and D and L. I wanna go back and enjoy the dsmp while it was active like my friends, before dream was a problem and Wilbur was horrible and techno died; before everyone who used to be in the server split off, argued, or fell out of relevance. I miss simplier times. i miss before I worried so heavily about trump and what he's doing, I miss when I didn't have to think about all this hard stuff about life, I miss when things were still fun, I miss when I could listen to Wilbur soot and lovejoy and lemon demon and Melanie martinez completely guilt-free. I miss when I felt less horrible about being cringe and weird.
nothing rlly can come out of this but I hope next time smth like the dsmp comes around, I can be apart of it. nothing can quite replicate it, I know, the people of it won't come back now, but something like it. something fun, something with lore, something I can watch build before it's destroyed like every other good thing.
I hate change. I hate how quick time moves. it feels like just yesterday we were on the drama bus listening to our friend ramble about dreamsmp. it went by in a blink of an eye.
it doesn't feel like it's improved much, even though it's changed, but I guess you keep rolling with the changes until it hurts a little less. -
It's been 11 f---ing days and A still hardly talks to me. We hung out on Halloween and we talked some last night and I thought maybe things were going back to normal, but they're not.
Last night, I was super on edge and annoyed at various things, so I was being snippy at her. Today, I was messing with her because I thought we both found it funny (we usually do) but now she's snipping at me. Genuinely I hope she tries to have a conversation about that later because I wanna tell her off.
She makes us feel so stupid for trusting someone again, because she acts like she doesn't even want to have a friend and she just wants someone to talk to about herself but ONLY when she wants to because no one else matters. I know she's just autistic and struggles with understanding other people, but O (other friend) literally NEVER acts like that and he's autistic and diagnosed. It feels like she just straight up does not want to be my friend and that was what I was scared of.
I'm pissed off at her and I feel stupid for hoping she'd be a long-term friend at any point. -
It's been a lot of consistent issues for like a month or two and it just pissed me off so much.
-
I want a friend to talk about my interests with who actually seems to give a f--- about me. I want someone who is just as expressive and fun as I am, who wants to joke about things and is consistent with boundaries. I want a friend that actually wants to talk to me and hang out and call and play games. I just hate it.
-
"self-diagnosis is WRONG"
wrong, professional diagnosis is a privledge that not everyone gets. there is a difference between understanding a disability/disorder and seeing traits in yourself of it (suspecting you may have something) and seeing one singular tiktok and claiming you have something. talking to a professional is expensive, there is an insane wait list, and being professionally diagnosed can actually negatively impact your likelihood of getting certain jobs.
I think it's better for people to say they are suspecting something, but there is a HUGE difference between actively faking and understanding your own brain to some degree. Like you need to suspect that you have something to go get diagnosed, you don't just magically gain a disability/disorder once a doctor tells you that you have it. Like, if you have a cold, you don't just not have a cold until it's diagnosed, that's not how that works. (very simplified example but you get the idea)
And guess what? Professionals can be wrong! They're people and sometimes they misdiagnose! It happens!
I understand the idea of "only a professional can fully understand disorders/disabilities" but that is NOT how it works in practicality.
however, FAKING something actively (knowing you are faking and putting in effort to do so) is harmful because it makes those disorders/disabilities seem like something someone wants and it's not. -
Also on the topic, a LOT of professionals will not properly diagnose minorities (queer ppl, POC, women, etc) and it is (for some) SIGNIFICALLY more harmful to go see a professional than just suspect you have something.
-
changed my pfp
-
Me when I like names qwq
Post a reply as a guest or Log In
REMEMBER:
- Do not harass or insult other people. Treat others how you'd like to be treated.
View all 10 forum rules
- Do not harass or insult other people. Treat others how you'd like to be treated.
View all 10 forum rules
