Aleks and the incidentals.
Thread Topic: Aleks and the incidentals.
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hey, sorry to pop in and disturb this vent thread, but the study forum is probably a better place to post this, since it's a forum for vent threads. Otherwise it just looks like a thread for conversations
Again, so sorry to pop in and bother you, I'll delete this post if you'd like -
hey, sorry for intruding.
your parents have no right to gaslight you like that. im sorry thats happening. you ARE valid. -
Thanks to both of you. I'm sorry for putting it in the lounge. Like it is a convo thread (i just want proof I'm not crazy) but my friend was using it cuz she had something to ask me
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For at least two days after that main convo I seriously thought that it was true. I was manipulating everyone with my feelings. That was what I was feeling was a part of my demonic nature to continuing to poison my family. But then I realized that how I felt shouldn't be causing such a huge rift in my family. That's how I felt was true and backed up by trusted people on the internet, and I had been experiencing this my entire LIFE.
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Every time I do something wrong. "You're going down a bad path. You're ruining our relationship, do you want to be alone for the rest of your life? Why do you do this? Why can't you just learn? You're a liar and a cheater. You're becoming a person I don't want to be around. I will cut you off if you start to be bad to this family, I cut off the rest of my family (who are all sex offenders, drug addicts, and rapists) I can do it to you too." Over every. Single. Mistake. It was just impacting my character so GREATLY.
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It got to the point where I believed there was something so fundamentally wrong with me because I did something wrong. I was single-handedly destroying my family. I thought it was something I couldn't help, that I was the problem. I wanted to do away with myself before I hurt my family further. Mom B says a lot of crappy stuff to me because she's brutally honest and she CARES about me. Mom A just agrees and lets it happen. One time, very recently, I asked them, "If I'm so bad, why am I still here?" A question that had been swirling around in my head since I was the age of ten. "Why don't you get rid of me?" To which Mom B replied. "I would drop you off at foster care if I could, but I'm not your legal guardian, and your mom would hate me if I did that. Trust me, if I had the chance, you would be long gone."
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What kind of mother says that about their child? Who doesn't even do stuff super bad, besides reading when they shouldn't, lying (although I can psychologically explain that), forgetting things, and listening to music on my Chromebook during school.
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But I am a good person. I deserve to exist and breathe with space. With the support that I need. But alas, I am not quite 18 yet. I have to suffer a few more years in this horrendous household, walking on eggshells, with even more horrible stories to tell. I'll tell y'all tomorrow.
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I'm going to live and be awesome in spite of them!
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you one hundred percent deserve to live. and i'm so sorry that that's happening to you. is there a counselor you can talk with at your school? that might help a little.
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Unfortunately, no. Anyone who works for the government is legally required to report it to my parents and CPS. It's not too bad yet, especially because I am aware of it and can stop it from affecting me, but I am also trying to protect my brothers from getting taken away, seeing as CPS has checked before. This could be the best home for them, and I'm not about to take my chances in the system. Thanks for your concern, though! It really does help!
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Time to continue! And explain a little more.
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So, more recently, like last Thursday? Idk, time doesn't fly right in my head. But, anyways, well, the night before I was on a call with my friend and we were planning to go watch the newest Bad Guys movie and I joked about asking an old teacher of mine to come and she's super nice and sweet, like, she's awesome. And Mom B started yelling at me about how it's innapropriate to joke about such things, and I get it. But the next morning she said she got a call from a teacher on Monday about how something I said had made them uncomfortable and that I needed to stop or else they would report me.
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Mother, being as awesome as she is, had told said teacher that they were welcome to report me and she told me that if it continued at home she would report me herself and call the police on me and watch as the cops dragged me to juvie. Like wow. She believed some teacher over me. I don't say any crap like that about anyone. The teacher had even said that she should ask me what I'd said. I replied, "The only thing innapropriate thing I've said about a teacher was that eating cold food was a red flag." And I also forgot that I had said I wanted to wrap my advisory teacher up in bubble wrap and lock her behind a ten-inch steel door, because she is too sweet for high school and needs to be protected. She yelled at me that morning and I went to school in tears. My own friends believed me over the teacher and one admitted they were more likely to recieve calls like that and not me. I think they may have confused me with other students who do say very, very, very innapropriate things about teachers, or they may have wanted me to stop talking about how I'm non-binary, which happened once, and could have been why they were so "uncomfortable". I live in a VERY christian, left-wing, and conservative community. But, enh. It is what it is.
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Sorry, that was so long also, sorry I keep forgetting to hide my crap from recent posts. Sorry.
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