I'm very concerned

  • Locked due to inactivity on Jan 20, '19 3:54am

Thread Topic: I'm very concerned

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    katqueen45 Senior
    Or maybe I'm just a memelord and I don't even know it xD

    I don't know if the things I do are "ironic" "funny" and "relatable" or if burying every single one of my crippling emotions has literally begun to fracture my sanity.

    I can't even vent anymore, I feel like it's too much of a burden on my friends. I dated someone for a month or so and they broke up with me, literally because I was "too unstable".

    So many things happen, I'm losing so many things and people that I should be very concerned about losing, but surprising to even me I don't feel anything at all except guilt for not feeling anything. Do I even love the people I lost? Do I even care? I know that lack of empathy and emotion is a lack of psychoticness and this has me questioning if I'm just slightly or minorly unstable.

    This is an actual concern, so please don't call me out for trying to gain attention or something.. though even if you do I won't get offended or anything because whatever.
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    katqueen45 Senior
    This is probably actually very stupid if you want to ignore this I seriously encourage you to.
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    Like who? You? Cause I'm pretty sure everyone BUT you knows what they're talking about.
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    katqueen45 Senior
    Last I actually don't even know my dad, I've never met the guy; or if I did I don't remember it

    No need to defend me cordelia, something like this was expected to happen!
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    Let me guess you don't know my real name either?
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    katqueen45 Senior
    Nope (and even if you had told me before, I probably don't remember simply because I'm terrible at remembering names)
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    oh (my name's Beverly)
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    d_h Senior
    Kat
    Dam

    Welcome to the club I can only teach so much about living through your life in instability
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    katqueen45 Senior
    d_h: hi man, what's up? Haven't talked in a while ^-^
    I'm already sure that I'm not normal at all, I don't have normal thoughts and I don't do normal things. How do you cope with it man?
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    d_h Senior
    Well, believe it or not it all happened to me kind of chronically basically after having your heart ripped in 220 separate pieces and then trying to be put back together again, your emotions grow dead, and there are days when you can think of nothing but negativity, but that's a certain type of unstable roughly all the types of ways somebody can be unstable, all can use similar coping methods one way is if it correlates to being sad, then try to turn that sadness into a dark comedic type of thing. That's what I was able to do, and it's been able to hide my depression for a long time

    A complete numbness in the emotions, on the other hand, that's a little bit harder, and I know what it feels like, although it's not as common as other parts, the numbness of emotions is probably the type of instability I hate the most, because whenever that happens, you don't feel happy, you don't feel scared, you don't feel sad, you don't feel anything you feel blank it's terrible. In order for me to fix that at times, I load myself with caffeine, probably not a very good idea, considering caffeine is a psycho active drug, but it sure as hell energizes me and energizes my mind, I'm actually addicted to caffeine, which doesn't really help my stability Unless if I'm constantly on it.

    Kat my friend, I deal with it by turning my emotions or my lack of emotions into jokes, or I put a mask on now, some people may say this mask is another personality, but I have complete control over this personality, and that personality may eventually become a second personality to be added to you, but it's not going to be affected by acting as voices in your head. Another way is use that to your advantage, that's what I did, whenever I was suffering with extreme depression, I wrote, and I wrote, and I wrote, and I wrote, constantly, non-stop, whether it be through a soap or an actual book. I just kept on writing, because depression enforced my capabilities of writing, that is the only thing I liked about being depressed, everything else can go die in a hole because I hated it. Bootie has that same effect on me when I'm feeling unstable I find a place to put it out in because when you have voices in your head or your unstable, certain things and certain skills are empowered. Find those skills and take advantage of it. And to be honest, I think one of those skills is writing because I have not seen one person who writes better than you do, hence, why i've abandoned all of my soaps and came back to the one that we do because I can't get over how great you are at this. So there's a skill free to take advantage, of which I'm pretty sure you've been taken advantage of what was that empowered by, I have no idea, but you probably have a better idea of it. My skill of writing was empowered by depression and sadness how about you?
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    katqueen45 Senior
    Firstly, I'd like to state that what you're going through sounds just like what I'm going through. Around family members my personality feels so made up, and all of this pretending to feel happiness and normalness constantly reminds me of my lack of it. Then around friends, I use dark humor. Even then, though, this dark comedy all feels like another distraction. I've had ways to cope in the past, but I've long reprimanded myself of these coping methods, as a sort of self-punishment. All of the available coping methods I could use are unhealthy. Drawing can barely help anymore; this lack of emotion has brought on a lack of creativity, a lack of inspiration and motivation. It has blocked me from drawing anything original, from having any art ideas that I really like. Writing has also been a passion for me, but it's the same story as drawing.
    I also think my lack of ways to cope with this is now paying it's toll on my mind, you know? I'm kinda worried, but at the same time, I don't really care, which is scary as hell.
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    Puppet master12 Hot Shot
    Honestly D_H shouldn’t be romanticising mental I’ll ess / insanity.
    It’s possibility maybe you have autism, like I do, while everyone else was consistently crying after my grans death I cried only at the funeral, and had no real reaction when I thought about her and remembered she wasn’t there.
    That’s because a possible symptom of autism is a kind of issue expressing or understanding emotions.

    This does not mean for sure you’re autistic, you may just be more emotionally numb, you’re not insane though, since you still feel guilt.
    Perhaps you’re just trying to make yourself someone you’re not , this would cause you to feel fake , maybe just try to find the real you?
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    katqueen45 Senior
    Thanks for your input, puppet!! I'll try to look into it. Trying to find the real me is all I've been trying to do, you guys are being so calm and helpful and I'm super grateful for that!
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    Puppet master12 Hot Shot
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    Puppet master12 Hot Shot
    That was a mispost.
    Kat from what I remember you’re around my age?
    Chances are you’re not having an identity crisis, but even so maybe trying to talk to a staff at school or maybe a therapist would help?
    Therapists are super helpful, because they’ll listen to you, and they’re trained and can help you. I think if the therapist you get isn’t helping, it’s not because therapy doesn’t work it’s because it’s not the right therapist.

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