Death At Your Fingertips
Thread Topic: Death At Your Fingertips
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I feel like a failure.
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I don't even do well at my job. I'm barely able to work. It's pathetic. And I'm in debt because I keep going to the hospital. I'm too f---ing ill to stay out. But there are people out there who are going through so much worse and they never have to go to the hospital for it. I know one. I stopped talking to them because I didn't want to complain to them anymore when their problems were so much worse and they could get through it.
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Now i just feel like curling up and crying.
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My siblings are better than me. That's why no one likes me.
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They all get along, and then I'm just here.
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They don't want to be around me anymore. If I walk into a room with them, they stop talking. If I try to join them in something, they all dispers.
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I deserve to die. I've never been good for anything. Why am I still here? I'm not allowed to go. If I would never get caught, and I'd there was no pain, I'd already be gone.
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I'm not going to die, but only because I'm afraid of the pain. Every method is painful.
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Leaving people behind doesn't keep me here. It only adds guilt, which only makes me want to leave even more.
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But this is all my fault. Every day, I can never forgive or forget what I've done.
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I don't want to be here.
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I don't want to be comforted. I don't even deserve that. I don't want anyone telling me I need to forgive myself. I don't deserve that.
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I hate myself so much.
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Now i want to cry. It was a simple text, but it means a lot to me. My mom just asked me what kind of cake I want for my birthday.
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I feel a little bit better.
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