I don't know what I can do.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:31pm
Thread Topic: I don't know what I can do.
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You guys have no idea how amazing it feels to be here. It really does. I have all the friends I could ever need and my status of being generally known as the girl who is creative and kind is especially endearing. I really do appreciate it. But I'm also known as the person who tries to change themselves for more respect and popularity. It's my most noticeable flaw. The problem is, I just don't know what I'm able to do about that. I don't know how I can change it or do something to make it disappear. I just can't. It's way too confusing to know how to do that, and honestly, it's upsetting me a little bit.
Look, I'm not intentionally harping on anybody or trying to whine or complain to anybody who has told me this. In fact, I appreciate it. It's extremely helpful to know what you're good at and what you're not good at. And it's really motivating to realize what you need to change about your personality and what is valuable enough to keep. And besides, if I weren't myself, I probably would have pointed that out about myself. I don't blame you for doing so. Actually, thank you for pointing it out. That is very valuable information to know.
I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong to make me keep thinking this way, though. Just like Anri once said, it's extremely difficult to change at the drop of a hat. That's actually a very accurate quote. And this is an ongoing habit. Habits are hard to get rid of, of course. I just don't want this to be a habit. If this carries on forever, my obsession for likeness will grow bigger to the point where it's unhealthy. I don't want that to happen. That's why I want it to stop. I just...I want it to go away forever. That's why I need help. Advice. People who I have a healthy relationship with in order to help me.
I'm shaking right now. I know, I'm dumb. Stupid and dumb and I always get worked up over stupid things. I just feel like you guys dislike me sometimes because I seem like a poser. I am a poser. I'm such a poser, I swear to god...I can't even. God, my self-esteem sucks. It's just random pride at one point, and then I could just have a mental breakdown at another. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you're reading this and dealing with me. I didn't want this to happen. You can go ahead and leave if you want to. Now would be a great time. Alright, I'm waiting. Waiting for you to click that "The Lounge" button again and scroll through threads that are actually interesting.
Oh, you're still here? Okay...
This isn't turning out how I want it to. I wanted a single paragraph and now I'm venting out my entire feelings. I guess it's alright, though...maybe not, but letting out your feelings is healthy for you, mentally. I don't feel any healthier, though. And I don't feel any better. But that's not how feelings are supposed to work, right? They're just temporary, though. I'll probably be better tomorrow. I might wake up and be in a good mood and everything will be alright until I remember this and probably think, God f---ing damn it. I'm such a whiny little b----. But that would be expected, especially since most of us write some really dumb things when our minds aren't functioning properly.
Okay, I'm going to try to get back on track. What I'm saying is that I'm grateful for you guys for pointing out the fact that I shouldn't worry about other people's opinions, although it's very hard not to. I don't know what to do about this problem. I just worry about other people's opinions because I want to seem like a good person. I wouldn't worry about other people's opinions back when I first joined, but the high standards and looking at the mature users made me want to be like them. So I took people's opinions and I changed myself to become the person I always hoped everybody would like. But it isn't working, and I can see that. I'm ashamed that I took the path of wanting everybody's attention, respect and friendship. Now I'm out of control. The pedal for my brake is malfunctioning.
Alright, this rant is over before I start crying. I'm probably going to reread this tomorrow and ask myself what the hell I was doing. Now I'm going to just leave this here and see who cares and who doesn't. -
Dudeeee, calm down. It's alright. It's okay to have flaws, and it's actually good that you're aware of it. That means you can try to work on it. Don't think about it too much, alright? Everything passes over time.
It's not much advice but I think it helps at least a little. -
It may be a result of a lack of confidence. You need to believe that you're worth it, because you are. I'm very sorry I've upset you. This wasn't my intention.
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Thank you both.
And Maru, it isn't your fault. It isn't just you who told me that. I've thought about this a whole lot recently and I don't want my reputation to be "poser". I'm sorry for making you think this way. -
You don't do it anymore. You used to, but we've all done stupid things in the past. You're not perfect, but nobody is. One of the most flattering things I've ever been called is perfectly imperfect, and that's what I think of you. Yeah, you have flaws, but you're not afraid to admit them and be awesome despite them. *hugs forever*
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I do. I worry about people's opinions everyday, and I always wonder if I'm acting in a way that would make you guys and other people accept me. It happens all the time. But thank you for the support. *hugs back*
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So does everybody else. You can't beat yourself up for worrying about what other people thing, cuz everybody does that. Besides, you're a hell of a lot better of a person than I am and people don't hate me, so they must love you. And no need to thank me, I'll always be here if you need me.
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You're welcome. Just relax, there isn't a whole lot to worry about.
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I doubt that I'm any better than you are. You're such a wonderful person, you must be liked by so many. And you're just so...chill. You don't seem like you worry too much about people's opinions, and even with that on mind you're still very respectable. I appreciate your patience.
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I don't think you're a poser. I just think you maybe gloss over a lot of the things you should be giving a voice to in order to be more accepted. I don't think it's necessary because you're lovely and would be just as much so if you did just what you wanted.
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I'm just really anxious right now. I'm sorry.
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You're much better at ranting than I am...all I ever do is yell with caps on saying stuff that'll make no sense to anyone...
It's not bad to care about other's opinions you just can't let them control you. Do whatever you think is the right thing, no matter of others opinions. See, I have to deal with people opposing me in every way imaginable every weekday, so I know how you feel. I just don't let it get to me
and on the my brake is malfunctioning thing, I feel like that all the time. I know what you mean. Totally. -
How do I stop "glossing over" things? That's what I want. I just want to be just as mature as you are, without the attempt of trying to change myself.
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I'm glad that's how I come across, but in all honesty I panic about other people's opinions just as much as you do. I'm sure I've asked half these users whether they liked me or not, and I was legitimately surprised when they said they did. I just wish you would realize that we all love you. And I still think you're a better person than me. I've done a lot of things I probably shouldn't have, and you're just so good and innocent and sweet and nice and amazing. So you shouldn't worry.
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Hold up. I need to get an actual keyboard for this s---.
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