Help!
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:31pm
Thread Topic: Help!
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I need help. I want you to rate this s--- so I know If I did any good. No this is not the whole story I've only started but help! Jake was looking outside the window, but saw nothing, nothing but darkness. He looked for someone outside, he did not know who or what it was but he was looking, looking at a figure he could just see in the distance. All he could see was the figures eye, white, dull, inhumane. The figure looked at Jake and he turned his head away sharply, throwing himself onto the bed and curling up in ball. He wrapped his blanket tightly around himself, refusing to look, no matter what happened he would not look. Hours later he let his curiosity take over, he put down a blanket and looked around the room. He saw a small child, with the same white, dull and inhumane eyes as of the figure he saw outside. He was wanted to run but he couldnt move, his body didnt respond. The child slowly walked towards him, giggling and smiling.
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A strong 7/10
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Thank you rain :3 Any suggestions?
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With this type of entry, don't shy away from poetic talk and detailing things. Also, don't be redundant.
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I don't know why I said entry but
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I am going to murder Jake next. :3 In a very detailed way.
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Actually no I'll just hurt him..
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6.5/10
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Rain... I can make a guy who loves Hitler? :3 AND SATAN!
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Whiplash Newbieyou repeated words two much. once or tdice in a sentence keeps your reader interested but you overdid it a little. describe the setting a little more and make sure you put his emotions and try to influence the readers. otherwise, alright
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