Are You Codependent?

Many people have heard the word "Codependent" but don't really understand what it means. Codependency is a word used to describe unhealthy boundaries in relationships. Most of the time these unhealthy boundaries begin in childhood, where the family engages in a pattern of chaotic, unpredictable, unstable, and possibly hostile behaviors.

Children who grow up in these environments learn that it's not safe to trust or even to talk about the problems. They may become their parents' caretakers, especially if they are in an alcoholic or abusive family. As a result they learn to survive in this environment, but the unhealthy patterns of relating to others follow them into their adult relationships.

Created by: Michelle E. Vasquez, LPC of Michelle Vasquez, Relationship Specialist
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  1. It's hard for me to identify my feelings.
  2. It's hard for me to express my feelings.
  3. I find it hard to form close relationships.
  4. I feel like everything has to be just right all the time.
  5. Everything has to be done in a certain kind of way, or it doesn't feel right.
  6. I don't like change.
  7. I feel like I have to be responsible for other people's behavior or their feelings.
  8. I feel bad if other people don't approve of me.
  9. Sometimes I worry so much about a decision that I get stuck or I spend hours awake at night worrying about it.
  10. Sometimes I feel that nothing I do makes a difference.
  11. I feel bad about myself much of the time.
  12. I feel like I fail at most everything I do.
  13. I get jealous very easily.
  14. I put others' needs before me, even if it hurts me.
  15. I need lots of reassurance to feel okay about myself.
  16. I have a hard time being apart from the people that I love.
  17. I often feel worthless.
  18. I tend to idealize, then demonize the person I love, sometimes in the same day.
  19. Whenever I'm unhappy, I will drink, take drugs, overeat, go on a shopping spree, engage in unsafe sex, gamble, or do other inappropriate behaviors which I regret later.
  20. I'm often so afraid of bad things happening to the people I care about that I tend to be overprotective.
  21. When I'm in a relationship I want to be with that person 24 hours a day. As a result, I'm often accused of smothering.
  22. I have a hard time trusting people.
  23. I'm at my best when I'm doing things for other people.
  24. People tend to take advantage of me when I do nice things for them.
  25. It's not okay to do things for myself; that's selfish.
  26. I was always expected to be the perfect child in my family of origin.
  27. It's best if I don't talk about my personal problems.
  28. When I do things just for myself, I feel guilty.
  29. If I just try harder, I know that things will get better.
  30. If I don't take care of things they just won't get done.

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Quiz topic: Am I Codependent?