the fallen part 1 | Comments

Do you mean Psych as in the comedy detective drama TV show because, in that case, I love that show! ^^ Anyway, to the story... I read this last night, but didn't get to comment, so here I go. You did give adequate warning that it might be confusing and might contain bad grammar, but I still have to mention it.

I know typing on a Kindle Fire is more difficult than a standard keyboard because it's annoying to keep having to press the shift key for every capital letter, switch screens for the correct punctuation, and to have touch screen lag, but if you could brush up on little things like capitalization, apostrophes, and spacing, it would improve the overall presentation of your story.

The grammar was fine, actually, what I'm more concerned about is the structure. The "read 7 before this" was a little confusing because 7 was writing for a story and the previous 2 questions were explanations of the story. I'm assuming that 7 was a kind of prologue? Having such a dramatic prologue, then, is effective, and definitely piques interest, which is a good thing there.

For questions 4,5, and 6, I would suggest that rather than explaining everything all at once in the front, it would be more effective to work those details into the story gradually because then you have less to talk about when the actual story rolls around, which leads to writer's block more often than not :/

The idea itself, girl with a mysterious birth, a tragic past, and strange "paranoia" visions is interesting and certainly very promising as it leads to many questions to be answered, so I hope you won't give up writing, but please consider my suggestions, and I hope I didn't sound overly critical because I don't mean to be :/