All Angels Break Down
Thread Topic: All Angels Break Down
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I guess im calm. Just depressed. I dont know.
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I lied to my psychiatrist and said I wasnt having thoughts. I don't want to go to the hospital.
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I'm worried about what will happen with my living arrangement if I go.
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I had a dream that i tried several methods of suicide, but nothing ever worked because i was invincible, so i would go to sleep and then try another method. This went on for 6 times, just about. The last time it failed, i broke down and said i can only distract myself with Sonic or cartoons for but so long, and i started playing Sonic Racing Crossworlds but i was still really depressed, and the dream ended.
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I want to give up on life.
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The memories hurt so much...
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If one day I disappeared, I think I'd be okay with that.
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All I can do is cry. It hurts so much. I dont feel any better than I did yesterday.
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One of two things happen every time I try a new name. Either it just doesnt fit, or it turns out an unnamed alter wants to use it and then the rest of the body doesn't feel most comfortable using the name because it more focuses on one member.
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These thoughts are upsetting me.
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I want to die. Like im not even kidding. This place just keeps getting worse and nobody does anything about it.
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Tonight felt like a nightmare. And I was stuck there. It was supposed to be happy, but it was just really awkward and uncomfortable. I hate myself for even having to witness how badly things went. I had no planning in any of it. I was at work all day. It was like I was stuck watching it all happen. Just like earlier today at work. I wanted to die. And now I just wish I didn't exist. Why cant we ever have normal moments? It was never normal. Childhood wasn't normal and this s--- isnt any better. My chest hurts. It hurts so much. When I inhale, it hurts. It's been like this all day. I just want it all to end. And tomorrow, I'll just try to exist as little as possible. I want to forget i even exist here.
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Any time that was supposed to be happy in my childhood always had something happen that ruined it for me.
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I've felt like a ghost. A shell. All day. The only thing I feel is pain. Fear. Stress. I feel ruined.
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I cant find anything to properly express the way I feel right now. If I tried, id say I feel like when I was a little kid, watching arguments and stressful situations happen in the middle of what was supposed to be a fun family event.
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