Don't forget my DMs are always available, even if I'm asleep. I don't know if ranting helps you, but if it does, PLEASE do not hesitate to send me 50 messages about how you're feeling. Especially if it means it could help reduce the thoughts, or even just to give you something to do (focusing on typing/putting thoughts into words rather than sh).
I also want to make sure you know that this does not overpower the several nights you didn't give in. You made it to eight full nights. I know that's a huge breakthrough for you, and I'm confident you can get there again & go past that. We are here for you. We believe in you.
A few days ago my mom got sick with symptoms consistent with covid and in all honesty I'm a little disappointed that she's recovered. I don't really wish death upon her but it definitely wouldn't have upset me and everything would've been so much better for everyone in my family. She negatively impacts everyone she interacts with. It would really just be better if she wasn't here anymore.
if i were to kill myself i think the best way would be to go into a field or forest on a winter night that's deep in the negatives and just go to sleep, freeze, and never wake up. it would be such a peaceful way to go.
