- Locked due to inactivity on Jun 4, '19 3:54am
Thread Topic: Well sheeit.
It's almost 2 in the morning, I've had a bit to drink, and I just remembered my log in.
So here we go. I'm just going to continuously type until I'm worried I've hit the word limit or my hands get tired. Then I'll submit and keep going. So here we go... again.
I've noticed that a lot of the people who now regularly attend this site are young. that's fine, I was pretty dang young when I first came on here too, but I'll be honest. I don't understand the youth of today, or yesterday for that matter.
I can understand being a sad, apathetic, mopey kid who wants to find love and wants to be something, and has strong opinions about one thing or another. believe me, brother, I feel you on tghat one. But that's not all that I'm seeing. or maybe it is, who really knows. Anyway, I guess I'm here to say that life isn;'t as s---ty as you all want to believe it's going to be. People will be asinine. And it's going to suck.
But as you grow up, the amount of s--- it takes to upset you will grow with you. People will continue to suck, but there are always silver linings. Maybe you all just haven't had to actually spend the time to find them yet. And sure, everyone is special and diffefrent. But that's really just a bunch of liberal crap that the media likes to feed to people to keep them fighting for an agenda that supports the ideals it's layed down and idolized for others to adhere to.
I feel like I got off on a bit of a rant there, and that's fine. this is supposed to be stream of random consciousness. Spelling errors, non-pc bulls---, inconsistancies, they're all fine. As long as they are typed without thought or time to double check or second guess. Which leads us to this next part. The types of s---ty people in this world. now this isn't really because of anything going on, I'm actually quite happy riht now, but like I said, it's nearly 2, and I want to type until my fingers burn.
So s---ty people will come in pretty much two different categories. The users and the abovers. There are probably better words, but I'm not interested in that.
The users are people who are always looking for a way to get more out of you. Whether that be emotional or physical, or financial, it doesn't matter. They're the ones who will ask for money or want to dump all their issues on you. Or who will f--- my mouse fell of my table, but I'm not picking that up. Anyway, they're the ones who will also come to you with emotional s--- to deal with and will dip when you need someone yourself. I've got a buddy who's been with this same girl for like three years. She has cost him his job, sleep, money, and schooling because of emotional manipulation.
He has had to dip out of work because she was "emotioinally compromised" and needed him or they'd break up. He's had to lose friends for similar issues. And this b---- a ho. But I'm not going to go any further in to that. EMOTIONALLY CONSUMING. If you're going to take anything away from that paragraph, take that.
As for financial, they're the people who need you for income or need you to pay when you get food. These are the people who go out knowing that "it's okay, they've got my back." I don't have a good example for that one, but you all know the type.
And the last one is the property thing. I can't remember the word I used and I've alreayd dropped my mouse so I can't go back up and read it without stopping typeing and we ain't about that s---.
s--- I'm going to have to anyway to submit this one.
alright, you didn't see that.
so the other type of s---ty person is the better-than-you kind. The ones who hold you to an unrealistic or piss poor standard and stereotype you by that. This can be either way too high or way too low.
Examples of way too high are the parents who s--- on you because you aren't living by their standards. Once again, not venting for myself, I may be 24, living at home, slightly drunk, and typing on the same forum site I've been frequenting for 11 years, but that's besides the point. I've got a job and I'm in school. No NEET s--- here, no spank you. But I digress, these people are the ones who instead of helping you reach the potential they see in you, put you down for not already being there. It's toxic and s---ty and that's why it earns them a place on this list.
The last one is the easiest to define. They're the people who never expect you to really amount to anbything. They're the bosses or teachers who,, even though it's super unethical, will tell you how little they expect you to succeed. maybe that s--- can motivate you to prove them wrong. But lets be real, this isn't the movies. THat's probably not what's going to happen. If someonbe has done that to you and it's led you to bettering yourself, gthan good, I'm happy for you. But that's not the common outcome. And depending on your environment, that can either be seen as harrasssment or sabotage. Both of which are super serious.
So now that' iv'e got that negative s--- out of the way, Ig uess it's time to actually lighten things up a bit. On the brighter side, the world isn't completely full of suck. People are starting to realize that things aren't as bad as the media points out, people are still finding love, and having kids, and getting jobs, and healing from sickness, and being generally awesome people.
I've got less than a year left of school, ...... holy s--- that's sad. I was going to go in to this long thing about how things are looking up for everyone and yet I absolutely stalled after just that one. I need to do more with myself. Why is it that that's all I can say good.
Have I got friends? Well yeah, a few that I actually respect, but the majority of them are starting to branch off and deal with their own lives.
Girlfriend? Not even close. Been signle for over three years now. Not by choice, mind you. That stings to put on here.
Career? I work at Barnes & Noble because my last job let me go. So I'll let you figure that one out. Holy s--- I have never become so sober so quickly. Also, Drinking? Why the f---? I don't even like the taste of alcohol. Maybe I'm stagnating, maybe I'm running out of excuses as to why I'm going nowhere. Maybe this is as good as it gets. I'm sitting at home, typing to people who I don't know, don't care to get to know, about my existance and how even though things are s---ty, that there's a light at the end of the tunnel when I myself am stuck in a constant viscious cycle of being tired of stagnation and being tired of trying to change it. Maybe this is why people spiral. Maybe this is a sign of medical issue. Maybe this is just a sign that I need help.
Or maybe this is just a way for me to work my thoughts out, and finally make an improvement. who f---ing knows, really. It's theraputic to post, I know that much. And I can assure you, lest some cruel since of curiousity takes hold of me tomorrow night, there is a very real chance I'll just disappear for another 3 months until everyone who wanted to say something to this has long since forgotten about it.
And the worst part is that this isn't even the first time I've had a moment like this so I don't know why I'm saying that it's maybe a way for me to work things out because lest face it, there's a lot more to work out than I'm really ready to do in one session of typing. But my left hand is starting to cramp, so I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.
But here I am, typing out issues to everyone on this site. this isn't poetic, this isn't artistic, this is 20 minutes of me typing everything that comes to mind. It's after 2 now and I can feel my heart in my chest. This sucks. this sucks. this sucks. I want to sleep. But I don't want to go to bed. I want to get healthy, but exercise feels meaningless. I want to find love, but if I keep falling flat I'll become emotionally compromised again. And this time it may be worse. What I'm doing right now doesn't count as emotionally compromised because in the morning I'll feel fine and won't have to do this again for months.
This is therapudic. This is fine. Lets talk about happy things. I'm writing for a new dungeons and Dragons campaign. I'm excited to start that. Other than that, I'm also almost done with school. Wait I already said that. maybe I can tell you guys about these funny yoututbe shows I watch. I'm probably addicted but they don't have to deal with me, so they're a really nice change of pace. Everything else has to do with me. But maybe that's because it's from my perspective. I am my author. No I am my main character. This story has no author. It's a pick your own adventure, and I can't go back to the other page for the better ending.
The other day, I met a friend who I haven't seen since 2009. He stopped in while I was working and we caught up. He said "I wish I had a job like yours right now. I would love working in a bookstore." And when I asked him what he was doing for a living right now, he told me he owned his own company. pretentious prick. But he wasn't being pretentious. he didn't fall under any of the categories I had mentioned earlier. He wanted nothing from me and expected nothing from me. He was just doing better than I was, and I was jealous. I was jealous. I was jealous. I hated him in that moment. I hated me in that moment. that moment never ended. It's been days and I still don't like who I am. How dare he come around and make me feel that way. He never knew I felt that way. I hid it very well from him. I am an actor. I am an actor. These thoughts are becomeing eratic. My hand hurts. I'm getting tired though. This is a bad time to get tired, I still have more I want to say. I'm just becoming to tired to say them all. That's why I don't vent my issues. I need to understand them better myself. but I'm too weak to get them all out. There's too much they're too many. I don't like these thoughts. I don't want these thoughts. I have no one to blame but myself. Please make this stop. only I can make this stop. These are my problems, and I'll have to deal with them. But people aren't oging to want to deal with my problems. There are so many worse things out there in this world. there are people who are being hurt or are sick, and they can see their problem and work through them. My problems areb't that bad. I'm just weak. I'm weak. I'm weak.
I need to get out waht I can now, my hand is cramping really bad. I need to get out what I can now, and then go to bed. That way I can can work though what I've worked through tonight, and maybe soon I'll let the rest out. There can't be that much more. So It'll be easy. After I've let it all out I can actually break it down, myself and make a plan. Plans are good. I can make a plan and then start bettering myself. That'll work. that's what I'll do. But for now I think I'll get some rest. Maybe I'll watch some youtube before I go to bed. that sounds nice. That's froma different perpective. That's anice change of pace. I'll get some rest and then watch some you tubr
The Dude Advanceds--- lmao, I just read this entire thing and I feel like I can relate a bit more than I'm comfortable to admit. You probably don't remember who I am or give a damn for that matter, but... Good job. I really liked reading this stream of consciousness type of thing. Thanks
Holy s--- dude lmfao its been forever.I finally have time off and I was super bored, found my old tablet and looked through it and my password was saved.
I am a sad man lmao.I'm alone and bored rn.
But hey James, if you ever come back to read this.I remember you dude and a lot of other users, I wasted a good chunk of time on here in the past but f--- it.I was young and dumb.(well, im still young kinda, and very dumb still)
Holy cow it's Jade!
Kitsune SeniorOhdayum :o
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