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- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:32pm
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I'm gonna break a promise, I think.
Not today.
Sometime soon, though. No reason to keep it, not now. -
Wait, why not? What?
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It's not worth it. I'm just gonna do it. Get it over with. I'm tired, Dark. Okay?
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What's not worth it? Was it because of me? I'm sorry, I got curious. Please don't leave. Please don't.
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It's not you. I'm tired, and I don't want to do this anymore.
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But you promised. I don't even know what's so bad. Please, tell me everything. It sounds like there's something I'm being oblivious to. Tell me what you're dealing with. You still have your Facebook, right? Get on it. Let's talk.
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I don't want to talk. I don't want to tell you. I don't want you to deal with anymore than you already are.
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And leave Julianna and Ashley out of it, okay? They don't need to know. It's none of their concern.
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I'm not dealing with anything. I haven't from the start. And, we promised we'd tell each other. This is exactly what you did the last time, you kept it from me and then I almost lost you. Please, please tell me.
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How is it not?
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I can't. I don't want you getting involved, okay? Can't you try to understand that? I'm just so f---ing tired, Dark. I just can't do this anymore.
It's not. I don't want them to think I'm their responsibility. I don't want that for them, so please, don't. -
Then what's the point of our promise? Why did you bother to promise you'd tell me if you're going to just shove me away? Can't you see that I won't want you to go? I want to help you. Just like Ashley/Juli said, I'm trying to help. You know you want it. So stop shoving it away. I want to know what's so bad as to why you can think about leaving. Not just leaving me, but everything else behind. I want to be with you, and I want to know.
I won't. -
Because I can't make you deal with that. But fine, you want to know? I did something stupid. Something really, really stupid, and said some stuff I shouldn't have, and now everyone here that I loved hates me. Emma. Parys. Seth. Leticia. Izzie. They all hate me, and talk about me, and give me dirty looks, and I can't do this, because they were my reasons for not doing it before, and now they're gone. And I mean, you're a reason too, but I can't wait four years, or even until the Summer. I can't. I can't do it. I can't stand knowing that they hate me, not having someone to talk to anymore.. I can't.
Thank you. -
I'm sorry about the post that I made, I never meant it that way, and I should not have worded it as I did. I was in a bit of a down mood at that point, and when I get like that, I say things I don't mean, and I didn't mean that everyone in there was like that. Some of the people in there, like you and a few others, are absolutely wonderful, and perfectly okay to be around. But, it is true that that class is absolute hell for me for reasons I don't feel like going into depth with. Just please know that none of that was about you, not at all. You've been nothing but nice to me, so I would have no reason to feel that way. I really am sorry.
Monday
Brandilynn Elizabeth
1/26, 8:03pm
Brandilynn Elizabeth
Emma, I am seriously so sorry. I don't guess I have any reason for you to accept my apology. I just really want you to know that the post wasn't about you, or Seth, or Ashley, or Leticia, or Sara, or Parys, or Natalie. It was really about something that had happened at Thespian, that was being pinned on me as myself being a baby, and getting upset over some things. I shouldn't have worded it the way I did, it's not even half of the people in there, but rather a certain few who have been making it hell, plus Mr. Pert, and the fact that Ashley ignores me as of lately. I just hit a low, and needed to say something, and what I said was wrong, and now I can't take it back, and you're all mad at me, and it's killing me, because I didn't mean to ruin the friends that I had by complaining about the ones I had lost, I really didn't mean to. And all I can say is that I'm sorry.
For example, I sent that to Emma, and she still hasn't responded. -
You're not making me deal with anything! How many times do I have to tell you that? You aren't something I deal with. I love you. I love you, so much, and I just want to help. And I don't want to lose you. I don't deal with you, I cherish you.
I'm sorry that that happened. But you can talk to me, even if I'm not there with you. You can tell me everything, like when something's on your mind or anything like that. I know how much it hurts to be an idiot. I've done it all my life and I'm still doing it. I say things about people, I complain, and I do dumb s--- like start fights. I know how much it hurts to be left alone, hated for what you've done. But surely there's a way that someone can help. If I'm not enough, why not try fixing what you've done? Or making new friends, or something cheesy that I don't care to type up? I really don't think that it's worth dying for. And I know how long away it is, but please. We've got phones and skype, right? We can start talking every day if it'll help. Then, you'll have someone to talk to. I might not be good for homework help, but I can do awkward chats and calls about emotions and things going on. Doing that might help. I know it sucks, but please. I'm having trouble waiting too. I feel just as alone as you do.
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