Hogwarts Sorting Hat Quiz

The Hogwarts Sorting Hat, Godric Gryffindor's magical talking hat that sends a bunch of terrified eleven-year-olds to the places and people they'll spend the most impressionable years of their lives with. Many quizzes try to take on the convoluted job of sorting us mere Muggles into our would-be houses, but fall short with questions such as "˜what is your favourite colour?' and "˜how do you brush your teeth? bravely, while holding a book, boringly, or holding a giant snake'.

Using my misplaced and useless interest in psychology, what we know of how Hogwarts students are sorted, and Sortinghatchats' intricate sorting analyses (on Tumblr), I attempt to answer the question that has plagued the population for far too long - what Hogwarts house am I?