Jokes
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:13pm
Thread Topic: Jokes
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How do you drown a dumn blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool. -
Is that you in the pic?
Talk ablout your DUMN blonde! It is spelt DUMB not BUMN! JK JK JK! YOU ARE NOT DUMB! -
Chuck Norris was in all 6 Star Wars movies............... As The Force.
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LOL SOOOOOOOO TRUE HIKY!
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that isnt even her in that pic. -_-
all she did is type "emo" into google, looked up images, and saved one. -
look i even found it.
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Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit.
On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer. -
you know its a bad day for a blonde when her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil...
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How do you know a blonde is having a bad day? A: When their tampon is in their ear and they can't find their pencil.
One night a man asked God questions about girls. The man asked, "God, why did you make girls so pretty?" God answered, "So they would have confidence." He asked another, "God, why did you make girls smell so good?" God answered, "So they wouldn't be self-consious about the way they smelled." Then the man asked, "God, why did you make girls so STUPID?" God answered, "So they would like you."
How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree? A: Wave at him.
How do you know a blonde is making typing errors? A: When there is whiteout on the computer screen.
There's a blonde who goes into a shoe store, and she asked the clerk for some alligator shoes. The clerk answers, No, they're sold out but come back tomorrow and we'll have some more. So the blonde leaves and comes back the next day to find out that the alligator shoes are sold out again. She continues to come back for the next few days but again, finds nothing. So the next day when the clerk is walking to his car, he notices the blonde in a swamp. He runs over, yelling at the blonde and he shouts out, "What are you doing!?" The blonde drops her baseball bat and says, "I've been killing these alligators and checking their feet for shoes but not one of them is wearing a damn pair of shoes!"
How did Helen Keller burn her fingers? A: By typing with the waffle iron.
There were three boys who went fishing, and suddenly from another boat a man fell out and started to drown. So the boys jumped into the water and saved the man, and they found out it was Obama. He says, "Boys, you can have whatever you want because I am so grateful you saved my life!" The first boy says, "I want to go to Disneyland and not have to wait in line." And so they reserved Disneyland and the boy went on all the rides, without having to wait in line. The second boy said, "I want a really cool waterpark in my backyard!" and so they build the boy in his backyard a really fast-speed waterpark with the best rides. The third boy says, "I want a really cool wheelchair, one that's all fancy and can turn on the dime, and I want a great ramp with it, too." Obama eyes the boy and says, "What do you mean? You look fine, ma boy." The boy answers, "Well, when my dad finds out I saved Obama, I'm going to need a wheelchair." -
How did Justin Bieber break his arm? A: He fell off the ladder trying to reach pubirty.
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When Chuck Norris first saw Dragon Ball Z he thought it was a series of easy workout videos
Chuck Norris was to star in Mission:Impossible but they recasted because they would've had to change the name of the movie to Mission:Accomplished
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris hears sign language
Chuck Norris can speak brail
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
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When it's time for people to die, the Grim Reaper shows up. When its time for the Grim Reaper to die, Chuck Norris shows up.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
If Chuck Norris is after you, don't bother killing yourself, he'll pull you down from heaven and kill you again
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Chuck Norris can win rock, paper, scissors without using rock, paper, or scissors.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem: It wouldn't take s--- from anybody.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle
Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris can choke a man with the cable of a wireless phone.
The only reason that there is no life on Mars Is because Chuck Norris got there first.
Chuck Norris threw the water bottle at Justin Bieber
The Terminator said, "I'll be back" because he saw Chuck Norris was coming
Average: 4.7 (41 votes)
Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
chuck norris once gave a box of his old watches to a group of kids. these kids are now known as the power rangers
Average: 4.7 (156 votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
Chuck Norris has Xbox Live... on his PS3.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
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so many Chuck Norris facts... lol
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