tachycardic
Thread Topic: tachycardic
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the days sorta just blend together
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i think i'm in a decent place rn i feel very secure atm but it could change but im trying to remember this feeling so i can maintain it
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we went out for most of the day but i dropped enzo off earlier while me and austin grabbed a bite to eat real quick, and after he got home he went to the movies with his parents. i'd been home for several hours when i got a call from him, which is the most routine part of my typical day, so i suspected nothing out of the ordinary. i answered the phone expecting him, but it wasn't him and instead was his mom, very very terrified and demanding to know what he'd taken. i was so confused and taken aback because he was about a year sober, and had actually thrown away his supply a month earlier. i told her he'd taken nothing and asked what's going on, but she pleaded with me to tell her the truth and that she needs to know. i promised her again that he hadn't taken anything. she was crying, saying she something was wrong with him and that even right now he was staring straight past her head, eyes dilated and glazed, and that he had no idea where he was or who he was. i was getting worked up at this point, asking if he was okay. she again became angry and said that she didn't know and said that she just needed me to tell her the truth, and i told her that on my life he hadn't taken anything and that i would never lie if something was wrong with him. she started cursing because the last time he had acted sorta similar to this, he'd come home with different friends after having actually taken things, so if he hadn't taken anything this time that meant something was seriously wrong, so i asked if it could be symptoms from a concussion that he'd received about a year and a half ago that caused him quite a bit of medical issues and brain fog. she was crying again and said, no, and that they were calling an ambulance if he truly hadn't taken anything, and begged me one more time to tell the truth, which i said that she could call austin and that he'd say the same thing. i was crying at this point, asking if he was okay and what was happening. she apologized for scaring me and told me that he loved me with all his heart and that i was his best friend which only made me sob as she thanked me for telling the truth and hung up. i texted him, saying to respond when he could and please let me know if he was okay and that i was so worried and i got a terrifying call. his mom responded to those texts, explaining he was seizing and they were going to the hospital. i called austin crying, telling him the experience i just had, and told him what was going on with enzo and how serious the situation was. late that night enzo finally texted me, but he was acting so off and hardly could understand what i was saying, just repeating that he was cold and that his head hurt and he couldn't see very well. i tried my best to explain he just needed to relax and close his eyes and drink water, and explain that the things he's experiencing were normal post-seizure symptoms, and tried to lighten things up to the best of my ability, but eventually he stopped answering and i had a very restless night until he texted me in the middle of the next day much more like himself. he's home and okay now but with no diagnosis and nothing explaining what happened
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and that was that i just hope nothing like that ever happens again
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ever since becoming sober i can feel more and more of my sentience and intelligence returning
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like, i don't feel so stupid day to day anymore and my thoughts actually are coherent
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who knew rite !1!1!1!1!!!1!1!!!!11!1!1!1!1111!!!!!
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life overall rn : 8/10 yay
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i wish me and charlotte were still mega close but we still are super close just yk it's not the same anymore
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i think people in general are much too concerned about identity and self realization and miss out on experiences that ACTUALLY make you, you. one day people will realize these things don't matter and it is so much more important to just live your life and enjoy it day to day rather than establishing how you want to live your life
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i think a lot of it comes from the massive amount of information people have access to now, and the huge prevalence of social media and technology in people's lives
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people no longer know how to just be a person, while they focus incessantly on discovering who they are, they forget to actually *be* who they are, because they are in a constant cycle of unnecessary self discovery
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you cannot know who you are if you live your life in your head. all you will be is a self-fulfilled prophecy
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some people please just kindly sybau. but i don't say that because one day they will grow up and be normal
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but until then i can only watch as they deteriorate
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