- clarice -
Thread Topic: - clarice -
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i think i have realized what had made my mental health worse-
anyways, i'm so nervous for my shows- i've been working so hard, but i'm still super anxious about it
i keep f---ing up the choreo occasionally and other stuff so i'm a little on edge- -
well, i officially just lost my online bsf. i'm really f---ing sad now :')
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probs making a return to here, since i have no one to rp with anymore-
so yk. might be more after my shows, but anyways. -
why am i literally f---ing crying, omfg-
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i really hate this, but i know this is probably the best for both of us. we probably both needed to stop rping and focus on our relationships with the lord, but i'm really gonna miss her...
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god, i feel like i have nobody now...
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nobody.
i have nobody. at least that's what it feels like. everywhere i look, everyone seems to have somebody. my mom has my dad, my sister has her twin, all my friends have their best friends, and it feels like i'm drifting. like i don't have anyone. like i don't have a best friend. i always say i have best friends, but sometimes it feels like i'm not their best friend. and i feel like i have nobody. i just wish i had someone to rely on. someone who i could talk to, to vent to, to enjoy life with. but i just feel alone. i think i might just be lazy. i could just get a life, go to school, get a job, get some hobbies. but what am i supposed to do, go through life alone? i want friends, i want to make connections, i want to create memories i'll remember forever, but i'm too nervous to talk to new people in person. being online made it so easy, because i could take the time to come up with the perfect response, but it's harder in person. it's scary, because what if no one wants to be friends with me? or what if people are just putting up with me for my sake? it's scary, and i'm kind of lazy, and i have nobody. i wish i could've changed something, done something different, didn't have to lose her- lose my best friend ever. it feels sad to say that someone i've known online for 4 years is (or was) my best friend, but it's kind of true. i felt like i could tell her anything. it was great. but she had to leave and i 100 percent get it. it's not her fault, it never was. maybe it was my fault, maybe i could've done something different, but she needed to stop and wanted to grow closer to the lord. and i probably need to do the same thing, too. but i'm not as strong as her, and i feel like i'm gonna fail. and i feel so pathetic for missing someone i've only ever known online. for crying over her leaving for her own good. and probably for mine. but i miss her. i miss her so much and it's only been about an hour since she's left. i hate that i miss her and i hate that i'm all alone, and i hate that i have nobody. super f---ing pathetic, right? -
i need friends- like, friends who are my friends, not people i try to make friends with that already have their main friend group and s---.
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i still feel so lonely...
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i can't cry again, it's so pathetic...
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You're not the only one lonely. Trust me And my mental health is negative from all my issues and family
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i just feel like i have no one sometimes, yk?
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my mom says i have to start looking for a job, but like,
i'm really not in a good headspace for that atm, but i can't do anything abt it bc she can't know why i'm upset bc then she'll know i've been disobeying her... -
but it's not like it matters much anymore, since she's gone now...
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i'm really nervous to start figuring out getting a job-
ik i need to get one, but what if i get a s---ty one i hate?
what if it just makes my mental health worse? what if smth happens at the job that scars me for life-
i think i need to be taking some anxiety meds or smth, idfk
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