Has anyone else experienced this social behavior before?
- Locked due to inactivity on Mar 26, '24 3:54am
Thread Topic: Has anyone else experienced this social behavior before?
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I am struggling to find resources that discuss what I'm thinking about but wanted to share anyways and see if anyone else has experienced this phenomenon.
Here's how it goes:
•you have a group of people
•they start to interact and notice patterns in each other's behavior
•they begin displaying inclusive & exclusive behavior around different people depending on factors like interests, temperament, and track records
•friendships are formed and the group comes to conclusions about who is an "outsider" based on unwanted behavior they display
•a new person joins the group (often someone who's ND or is an HSP in this scenario)
•the people who have been ostracized see the new person who doesn't know their track record with the group and tries to become the new person's friend
•the new person doesn't know any better and as an outsider sees that:
a) this person is being really nice to me
b)the rest of the group isn't being as nice (they have less of an incentive to make new friends because they already belong to a coalition)
•the new person has now been selected by a toxic person and begins a friendship with them
•this often ends with them being abused by that person, and then often ostracized by everyone else for choosing to be friends with them. -
So like I hope thats not too specific of an example but it's something that is EXTREMELY true of how I have formed a lot of my friendships. I am a HSP and tend to be sympathetic towards people who I think are "outcasts," often without considering why they are that way to begin with.
I think a lot of the model I described begins with family of origin system of abuse and has a lot of overlap with victims of narcissistic abuse.
Ty for reading this far ♥ -
I was thinking a lot about this because of everything that happened on this site. I noticed that I am still very easily manipulated by people and feel bad for people here who I've hurt because of it.
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sounds like my friendship w road 🤨
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i'm not sure if i have experienced that specific situation, but things along similar lines, certainly. i am ND and i think i would consider myself as a HSP as well
this site was (maybe is still) a breeding ground for those with toxic tendencies to latch onto unsuspecting victims. and i don't use the word toxic lightly. so it makes sense that it would be a phenomenon that many of us can either empathize or sympathize with -
It's unfortunate but a lot of times people are outsiders for a reason, and I say that as someone who was mostly friendless as a kid.
I think there's a big difference between "one group doesn't like a person" and "some people don't like a person's behavior and just so happen to all be friends", but unfortunately most people don't look that far into it and assume "clique" and think it's toxic.
I've been in that situation, and thought I was making a friend with someone who was alone- only to be emotionally manipulated for years, so I absolutely get it.
It's really a complicated thing, I guess, to see the truth. -
[[ Hi I'm dumb what's an HSP in this context?]]
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I'm assuming Highly Sensitive Person, though Mint can clarify if I'm wrong /nm
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Omg thank you all for replying. I definitely wasn't expecting anyone to respond to that so I really appreciate you all
Yes, I did mean highly sensitive person.
I was also covertly referring to road. I recently noticed I'm often targeted by narcissistic or toxic people. I have recently had to cut off several abusers in my life and am still working through what that means.
It's truly so hard for victims of abuse to know if people are safe or if they're just being manipulated again. I feel so much for anyone on this site who has trust or attachment issues because of past relationships.
Even if you don't relate to exactly what I described, I feel like we've all had negative experiences with people and they are super important, no matter how big or small. -
Same here 😭
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it also sucks to think about how good abusers are at manipulation. they find ways to isolate you from your friends. they swindle the public into idolizing them. when you see the way they treat others compared to yourself, you feel like it's your fault. you're not good enough. you're broken. you're the one that needs to do better. to be what they want you to be, to do whatever they ask. it's hard to realize that they are doing that intentionally to break you down and control you. and even if you do catch on and try to break away from it, they've successfully convinced everyone else that they're the good guy. and in that moment, the victim is just plain f---ed. nobody wants to believe you because the abuser has created an elaborate persona that is bulletproof
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i guess while i am already over sharing, there is more to add
for the longest time i convinced myself that what i went through with different users from this site was just a bad experience. i never wanted to bring it up to a therapist because i thought it was stupid. how do you look someone in the eyes and say you were traumatized by someone you met online?
but one day i did finally say something. it took multiple sessions to explain from start to finish. i couldn't keep holding in that emotional baggage that ive had for so many years. it was both relieving and depressing to have a professional reassure me that what happened was valid trauma. it isn't worth less just because it happened online.
my heart goes out to anyone who grew up in a relationship like that, whether online or IRL. no one deserves to go through that. and i hope that we all have a chance to heal from those experiences and meet people who will treat us with kindness, love, and respect -
I remember when I was younger I didn't really understand the concept of manipulation, and I let people trample all over me because I genuinely wanted to help everyone and "save" everyone in a way. It got so bad at one point because I was the dumping ground for other people's problems and only really spoke to me when they needed to vent.
I cut off a toxic friend recently and it was the first time I'd ever done something like it. She was literally leeching my happiness and would trample on me and pick fights with me over everything. I still feel like I'm easy to manipulate and persuade, but now that I've gotten older I've gotten more wary. I can't tell if it's a good or bad thing, but I do know I want to protect any younger people from going through the same thing. -
Unfortunately yes. I have a group of friends that keep getting smaller and smaller because of this one girl at my school. Every time a new person shows up in the group and she starts talking to them before me they think of ME as the bad person. She's spread rumors about me, and even when i told her the rumor wasn't true she still spread the rumor. I just recently lost one of my best friends because this girl keep poisoning everyone's minds. And the only reason why she's doing this is because apparently i got in the way of her and her ex's break up. She came to me with the reason why she wanted to break up with them, and i tried to reason with her and she told me i couldn't be friends with both o them. And she still torments me to this day.
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