Vent thread I'll probably forget about
Thread Topic: Vent thread I'll probably forget about
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oh and all of my friends are having crashouts as well and im like 80% sure a good chunk of them are caused by me because i'm a massive dips--- when i'm burnt out, and that's a million percent my responsibility to fix because I refuse to be a total jackass regardless of the excuses for why
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november is off to such a good start i love this month so much💢
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oh now that im reading it its actually not too bad i just need to compartmentalize some of this crap
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praying ill lock in on ap psych the way i did with ap geo
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i fear i peaked in 9th grade. My social life was peak, my grades were peak, i was doing a lot of theater stuff, and I was finally smart for once
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ugh gotta talk to my therapist abt that
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i hate how attached I get to people and how upset I get when they move on
I hate being friends with people older than me bc they have to grow up and move on with their lives and be all important, and I'm proud of them and happy for them, but it just kinda sucks knowing I'll be a memory for them, just that guy in the background
And I hate that I get upset with that because I know damn well if I was the older one I'd be moving on with my life too. God knows I wasn't meant to be in this part of my life forever, so it's insanely hypocritical for me to get upset when others do the same -
talked with my therapist and i think we've found out where a good chunk of my anxiety and OCD stem from, or at least where the perfectionist mindset is from
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my therapist is a queen tho bc i was telling her all about the stuff in school im doing bad at and she just gave me a funny look and said "Oh no it's almost like your brain isn't comforming to American teaching systems how dare it." and then proceeded to tell me how intelligence is based on critical thinking and not stupid ass standardized tests
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bc im really good at discussions and debates which is why most of my teachers like me, but god I such ass at tests
It's especially noticable in AP Psych bc I try to ask intelligent questions, and I try to write well thought out papers about studies and the ethics of them, but GOD do my multiple choice tests have horrendous scores -
but i swear i try really hard to let the information i get in that class sink in on a personal level, bc then it's easier to understand. I use the vocab in everyday settings and discussions with other AP Psych kids, but GAH I can't do multiple choice tests
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and suddenly the foundation of what my future is built on just dissolved
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i love the government and school systems so much rn!!!!
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emailing a bunch of Representatives either today or tomorrow bc if i dont do anything i'll regret it for the rest of my life
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so silly
i love how every bit of optional schoolwork I do directly opposes the government without me realizing it PHHHT
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