I've been feeling lately so empty.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:24pm
Thread Topic: I've been feeling lately so empty.
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Like there's no reason in anything. I wake up in the morning with this feeling of emptiness, I go to sleep with the same feeling. Sometimes at night, I lie awake trying to figure things out. But I can't. I watch other people, laughing and being happy, and I wonder if I ever was like that. The only few years, that I remember being happy, genuinely happy, was before my grandpa died and that's about eight years ago if not even more. I think that I think too much. When I'm with people, I'm distracted but when I'm alone, I think and everything just goes bad. I'd do anything not to feel this way, because right now I see no point in anything.
"When this boy is born and very young, the world is a beautiful, happy place filled with happy people. As he grows up, he becomes disillusioned to all that he sees. He sees that everything is slightly strained, more tired, more off. The people in his life become less loving. They give in to society. All through his life, he tries to recover that feeling of innocence and happiness he had when he was young. But he never can, and trying hard, he comes to find that the world is an ugly, horrible place. And from trying so long, that becomes the goal of his life. And when he gives up on trying to reach that goal, he feels empty."
That's a description of a poem. And it describes how I feel. Life has lost that "Spark". I'm trying so hard though, trying to find it.
This is the poem:
Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
and he called it "chops"
because that was the name of his dog
and that's what it was all about
his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
and his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts.
that was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
and he let them sing on the bus
and his little sister was born
with tiny nails and no hair
and his mother and father kissed a lot
and the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
and his father always tucked him in bed at night
and was always there to do it
once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
and that's what it was all about
and his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of the new paint
and the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
and left butts on the pews
and sometime they would burn holes
that was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
and the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
and the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
and his father never tucked him in bed at night
and his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it
once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
and he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
and that's what it was all about
and his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
that was the year Father Tracy died
and he forgot how the end
of the Apostles' Creed went
and he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
and his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
and the girl around the corner
wore too much make up
that made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because it was the thing to do
and at 3 am he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly
that's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
and he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
because that's what it was really all about
and he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
and he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen---- -
Your life has meaning and sometimes you lose yourself. I think everyone does at some point or another. Maybe the universe is trying to tell you that who you were isn't who you're meant to be and you just need to find your new thing. Or that you're starting to realize you don't know who you are and it's time I define yourself. You'll find something that makes you happy and that you care about. It will cause that empty feeling to go away, you just need to give it time. But you will get better if you give yourself time.
Also I really liked that movie. -
I don't know. I see no sense in things anymore, I see nothing. I'm stuck living where I don't want to. I'm stuck living the life, I don't want to. I'm forced being someone who I don't even know is. I just want to disappear. That's my only wish.
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I feel exactly the same way. I can't find any point in life anymore. I mean, everyone used to love me. The kids at school, my family, everyone at church. Everyone. Now, I'm like nothing. Never talked to by family, never looked at or talked to by kids at school, and never looked at at church. I'm nothing now. Just something taking up space. I have no identity. My friend took that away. I can't feel anything anymore. I can only pretend. Sometimes, I just think that it wouldn't be that bad to just die. Yeah, people would be sad, but they'd get over it. And I could go live another life somewhere else or something seeing that's what I do. Sometimes, I wish I had just died at birth like I was supposed to. Then I wouldn't be like this. Just trapped in a body I don't want to be in. Trapped in a world I hate. And stuck with this life. Just, please to make me feel something again; make your self happy. That's the only way I can feel anything. Please try. Not just for me, for you too. I don't want anyone else to feel like me. My time might be up anyway. Yours isn't. Keep living. Don't disappear. Stay on this lovely planet. It's your home. Don't disappear from it. Listen to music. It helped me. But of course, it can't anymore. Your not done yet. ;) Get your spark back.
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Don't disappear. Look for a meaning, because you matter, and no one wants you to leave. Sometimes it seems there's nothing. I know. It hurts, and I know that too. But you can find something. Just look, because if you disappear, I'll cry. I know there is a meaning for you.
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@Strangeling. You never know, maybe my time was up a long time ago. Listening to music doesn't help anymore, reading.. It gets me distracted enough to not do something that I'll regret. But I'm trying.
@TCS The only "something" I had is slipping away. The only reason this hasn't gotten really bad was because I had that "something". As pathetic as this sounds. But now I'm not sure that I do, and it's scaring me. -
^Try meditating. I tried it and believe it or not, it worked. It can give you the link if you want to try. Just listen to the video; nothing else. Imagine something that you love in your hands during the video but, still focus entirely on what it tells you. Oh and keep your eyes closed for a while after it ends (only open your eyes when you feel you have to).
ht tp ://www .youtube.c om/watch?v= 0rWKszG Wsl0
(if you can see the link just take out the spaces) -
I don't think that would help, but thanks anyways. :) I'll just have to find something that will help.
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Okay. As long as you find something that helps I'm happy. If you still need help, I'll be happy to.
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Thanks. I think I'll be good for a couple of days..
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