Please read and tell me if you like it...

• Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:21pm

Thread Topic: Please read and tell me if you like it...

• NiallsBiggestFan Novice

  13 years ago
  He slowly creeped toward me. His face morphed into a disfigured creature. I trembled in fear as he neared towards me.
  "W-W-What do you want?" I asked him. There was no response, just like every other time I asked him a question. He took another step foward. My heart was pounding out of my chest. I was breathing so heavily that it echoed in the cave. Then, as he took his last step towards me, he cupped his right hand around my throat. I gagged and sputtered as I tried to breathe. I gasped and gasped but no air was leaving or exiting my lungs. My eyes widened as I looked into the eyes of the beast that was handling me. There, in his eyes, I finally found her. She was trapped in him! I knew what I had to do then, so I did it. I kicked the creature in the stomach. He stumbled back and let go of my neck. "Yea!" I yelled, "Come get some more!"
  He charged towards me, grunting with every step he took. I picked up the rock I was sharpening earlier and put it in front of me. I put my arm in front of my eyes, in fear that the great one was wrong about the creatures dying when stabbed fatally with a rock. I was standing there for minutes, the grunting stopped and I couldn't hear footsteps. I peeked over my arm, only to find her laying there, looking lifeless. I fell onto my knees beside her. She was still breathing. I sighed a sigh a relief and picked her up. I stood up and walked to the exit of the cave. I had won. I beat the creature.
• demigods4eva Novice

  13 years ago
  I like it!
• 

  Teresa22 Advanced

  13 years ago
  Little too predictable.
• NiallsBiggestFan Novice

  13 years ago
  Thanks. that was just from the top of my head, no planning whatsoever. Now I really want to write a story with this!
• The Geek Novice

  13 years ago
  Was good uptowhere people started fighting. Bit unrealistic fighting.
• NiallsBiggestFan Novice

  13 years ago
  Thanks for telling me the truth Teresa and The geek. I will improve it and maybe show it again later

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