If I show you the book I'm writing.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:20pm
Thread Topic: If I show you the book I'm writing.
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Samantha2332 JuniorPlease?
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all right
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I guess.
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Samantha2332 JuniorMy heart dropped and fell to what seemed was my knees. My pulse stopped, and my blood turned ice cold. My thoughts stopped, and my mind went blank. My mother's body laid on the floor, lifeless, bloody, and limp. Standing over her body with a bloody knife in his hand, was my father.
I scrame, an ear wrenching scream. He looked up, the murderous man that I used to call my father. I turned and ran, straight out the door. I didn't stop until I reached the dark, dreary woods. That's where I scrame again. It felt good, to let it out. So I did. I let everything out. I yelled, I scrame, I kicked. Everything all came out at once. That's when I felt something stir inside of me, as if I was being watched. My body tensed as fear overtook me.
"Show yourself!" I demanded I heard leaves ruffling, and twigs breaking. No answer. "I know you're there! Reveal your identity!" -
O.O thats good. just indent.
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Indent, and it's screamed I believe. Really great.
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Samantha2332 JuniorThanks guys. And yeah, I know to indent... It'sjust too much work to space that much.
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Samantha2332 JuniorWould you mind reading more?
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I like it! I have the first part of a book I'm writing in Literature.
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no, show more :p
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Samantha2332 Junior:)
I heard a chuckle to my left, I turned my head to face the location that it had come from. "Why are you in the woods?" a male voice asked, this time coming from my right.
"I was scared. I had walked into my kitchen, and saw my dad with a bloody knife, and my mother lying on the floor dead," I said. A tear escaped from my eye.
The voice moved behind me. "So you have no where to go?" he asked. I turned around and shook my head no. "What is your name?" he asked.
"Shelby-Alexis," I said. That's when a boy appeared from beyond the trees. He seemed about seventeen, my age. "May I ask for yours?"
The dark haired teen started to circle around me. "Tyron," he said. He stopped behind me. "Where exactly were you planning to go, princess?"
"Away. Away from this town," I whispered.
I felt him close behind me. His breathing was heavy, and his minty breath danced on my skin. "And how exactly do you plan to accomplish that?" he asked.
Any errors? Suggestions of revision? -
It sounds very great.!
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its kind of rushed, but straightforward. good.
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Samantha2332 JuniorRushed? Is that a bad thing? Should I slow it down?
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kinda. I think she meets the teen too early...
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