The Internet Has Ruined Me.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 21, '21 3:54am
Thread Topic: The Internet Has Ruined Me.
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Jeremy: Michael and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us.
Christine: *Sighing* What did Michael do?
Jeremy: They chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and . . .
Michael: Who wants a steering wheel? -
*Philza's helping Techno out after they get injured, while the others are watching*
Tommy: How does Techno look?
Wilbur: A little better than you, actually.
I love how this is what the last three pages is. just-
incorrect quotes XD -
Philza: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?
Tommy: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.
Wilbur: I personally was created in a lab.
Techno: I just straight up spawned lol. -
Philza: Tonight, one of you will betray us.
Techno: Is it me, Philza?
Philza: No, it’s not you.
Tommy: Is it me, Philza?
Philza: It’s not you either.
Wilbur: Is it me, Philza?
Philza:
Philza, mockingly: Is IT mE Philza?
Why does this match the characters so well tho? XD -
Techno: *Gently taps table*
Wilbur: *Taps back*
Tommy: What are they doing?
Philza: Morse code.
Techno: *Aggressively taps table*
Wilbur: *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK- -
Philza: You lying, cheating, piece of s---!
Techno: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!
Philza: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING TOMMY WITH ME!!
Wilbur, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now. -
Philza: Yo, is Wilbur sleeping or dead?
Techno: Hopefully dead, I hated their guts.
Tommy: Yeah, so did I.
Wilbur: Okay first of all, f--k you- -
Roman: Patton, I'm sad.
Patton: *Holds out arms for a hug* It’s going to be okay.
Logan: Virgil, I'm sad.
Virgil, nodding: mood. -
Roman: Patton isn’t answering their phone
Logan: I’ll call
Roman: Virgil and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-
Patton: Hello? -
*Roman is cooking*
Patton: Any chance that’s for me?
Roman: It’s for Virgil. I’m planning on making some bad choices tonight, and I need them on my side.
Logan: I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment. -
Roman: I think Virgil was right.
Patton: I'm surprised they haven't marched in here to say 'I told you so.'
Logan: They wouldn't do that.
Virgil: You're right, Logan. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that.
Virgil: *turns around, the shirt they're wearing says 'Virgil Told You So' on the back* -
Roman: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.
Patton: What if it bites me and it dies!?
Logan: Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Patton, learn to listen.
Virgil: What if it bites itself and I die?
Remus: That’s voodoo.
Janus: What if it bites me and someone else dies?
Patton: That’s correlation, not causation.
Virgil: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?
Remus: That’s kinky.
Roman: Oh my God. -
Roman: Every time I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.
Patton: Okay, but what is updog?
Logan: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.
Virgil: Not, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.
Remus: No, that's an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.
Janus: Surely, that’s Uppsala, where’s updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.
Roman: That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.
Virgil: You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.
Logan: No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.
Patton: What’s a henway??
Roman: Oh, about five pounds. -
Roman: So uhhh... my question is: my friend keeps on going into the pantry and grabbing handfuls of fettuccine... uncooked...
Virgil: I would hope they're not grabbing handfuls of cooked fettuccine!
Remus: In your pantry!
Roman: Yeah... and eating them raw, and they keep calling them 'chips'. ... How do I make them stop?
Virgil: Is your friend here?
Roman, motioning to Patton: Yeah.
Virgil, to Patton: You're a monster! Words MEAN things! >:(
Logan: Does anybody remember- I haven't been to Olive Garden in many moons- but they DO have a like- fettuccine bottle that you can just- grab em out of and chew-
Logan: HOLD ON. WAS THIS A PRANK YOU GUYS PULLED ON ME WHEN WE WENT TO OLIVE GARDEN AS KIDS?!
Logan: NO, STOP. EVERYBODY SHUT UP. DO THEY GIVE YOU RAW FETTUCCINE TO CHEW ON IN THE LOBBY OF THE OLIVE GARDEN
Everyone else: No.
Logan, to Virgil and Remus: YOU F--KING b------S!
Virgil: YAAAAAAAAY!
Remus: THE PRESTIGE! -
Roman: Bridge the generation gap by combining old and new slang into one!
Patton: Tubular AF!
Logan: Mood to the max!
Virgil, annoyed: Groovy, I hate it.
Remus, just as annoyed: If she breathes, she’s a square.
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