The Internet Has Ruined Me.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 21, '21 3:54am
Thread Topic: The Internet Has Ruined Me.
-
Evan: I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone crash at your place.
Connor: You people already know too much about me.
Jared: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place. -
Evan: Connor, keep an eye on Jared today. They're going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.
Connor: Sure, I’d love to see Jared get punched.
Evan: Try again.
Connor, sighing: I will stop Jared from getting punched. -
The squad is trying to con some random guy:
Evan: Um, Connor, why are you pretending I'm this guy's family?
Connor: We need money!
Evan: You're scamming him?
Connor: I was thinking more like flat-out stealing from him?
Evan: What?! No way!
Connor: Why not? We already stole Jared!
Jared: Hey guys
Evan: No, we didn't. Jared can think and talk for themselves, they can do whatever they want!
Jared: I wanna steal. -
Evan: Please bring home PURIFIED water with NO minerals added for taste.
Connor: We got spring water.
Evan: NO.
Jared: with EXTRA minerals.
Connor: it's like licking a stalagmite.
Evan: DON'T COME HOME.
Jared: Mmmmm cave water. -
Evan: Is stabbing someone immoral?
Connor: Not if they consent to it.
Jared: Depends who you’re stabbing.
Zoe: YES?!? -
Evan: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no clue what to put in them. Suggestions?
Jared: Put spaghetti in it.
Evan: I'm currently taking suggestions from literally anyone but you.
Zoe: Put spaghetti in it.
Evan: I'm currently taking suggestions from anyone but you two.
Connor: Put spaghetti in it.
Evan: I'm no longer taking suggestions. -
Evan, about Jared: Apparently we’re getting someone new in the group.
Zoe: Are we stealing them?
Connor: New or used?
Evan: Wonderful responses, both of you. -
Zoe: You know those things will kill you, right?
Jared, pouring another glass of whiskey: That’s the point.
Connor, smoking a cigarette: We’re trying to speed up the process.
Evan: *Nods while eating raw cookie dough* -
Jeremy: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me
Michael: Okay, but in my defense, Christine bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo.
Jeremy: That’s not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?! -
Jeremy: Christine, can I talk to you for a second?
Christine: Yeah, what’s up? Lemme guess. You and Michael are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss?
Jeremy: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I’ve read books. -
Jeremy: We need a distraction.
Michael: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?
Christine, whispering: My time has come. -
Jeremy: Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 million gold?
Michael: You stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-a-- house.
Christine: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 million.
Michael: Good thinking. -
Jeremy: I told Michael their ears flush when they lie.
Christine: Why?
Jeremy: Look.
Jeremy: Hey Michael! Do you love us?
Michael, covering their ears: No.
Christine: -
Jeremy: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time?
Michael: The car takes a screenshot.
Christine: For the last time, get the f--k out. -
Jeremy: While I’m gone, Michael, you’re in charge.
Michael: Yes!!!
Jeremy, whispering: Christine, you’re secretly in charge.
Christine: Obviously.
This thread is locked, therefore no new posts can be made.
