theres nothing
- Locked due to inactivity on Oct 3, '19 3:54am
Thread Topic: theres nothing
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nowhere
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hi you are active
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we have the same bosses in our names!! (that is not my real name)
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😂 Yo
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so check my profle i have a quiz ''do you make good quizzes'' it tests if your quizzes are good better or the best!!!
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..... ill do it later. but thanks for the offer sir. 😄 im not in a good state of mind lately. the fact is.. im losing control, not literally, but in a way that implies my lack of strength to carry through with this... current situation of my life.
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boss baby, if you happen to come back to this thread, then ill simply appreciate that, since its not under my ‘rules’ for people to hear me out all the time. in case you do come back here, be weary because I will mention something triggering in the next paragraph.
suicidal thoughts are whats happening to me kind of suddenly, but not too suddenly. just suddenly enough to catch me off guard. im afraid, because im showing some huge signs and I’m pulling away from even my family. i cant shake the feeling though.. because im feeling extremely confused and lost in my life, as if i have no where to turn.
my father tells me im not lost, but just confused.. i believed him for a while. but then i was like.. nah man.. im lost. when you are depressed, you are lost. it may not be literally lost, but my mental health is wacked up and causes the feeling of being lost. its a dead-end feeling.. which numbs me out. i get extremely numb lately.
i am talking about this because- im 100% sure- i never ever ever say these thoughts and how im feeling to anyone, i do tell my family these things sometimes but to a lesser degree.. i never go into this much detail.and whats more, almost every time i ‘do’ tell them, i brush it off with sarcasm and wit and make jokes about it. its good yeah because it helps steer away the false negativity revolving around me now.. thing is, it doesnt help long term. the feelings always come back, and they are coming on stronger and stronger each consecutive day.
sleep is all i long for, but since i cant even sleep well enough due to nightmares and stress, i am rummaging through hell nearly 24/7, which only further blackens my obscured vision.
im not sure where this leads to, but I’ll simply stop short here. whoever happens to read this (or skim through- or even just see it and scoff and go on their merrily way elsewhere) then ill tell you now: this is not a self-pitying display, but rather it is a human cry for help that i refuse to give to my closest friends and family, for fear that i will wreck things even more than they are now. i know i need to go get help or even solve this on my own(or with friends and family) but right now im in my personal prison of numbing hate and discombobulation. here i am, throwing my half-lit soul onto the easily accessible online public to possibly re-enliven it to full light.
i simply cant reason anything with a partly dark pathway. -
Sorry Lulu
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Get help :(
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i feel your pain sorry
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