I'm pathetic.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:33pm
Thread Topic: I'm pathetic.
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I'm so f---ing pathetic. I typed up a long something, and was about to post it, but then I was thinking to myself, I'm not ready. Haaa, I'm the worst. I'm so disappointed in myself. Here's what I was going to say.
"The only reason why I cared is because of what I did. I asked and begged for forgiveness and finally got it from some. And I got used to the praise and acceptance. That's what I loved receiving. Praise and acceptance. That's all I ever wanted. All I wanted was to feel comfortable here again, just like when I began here. On Day 1, I was happy. I had friends and was loved. I wanted that feeling again. I wanted to be carefree and I wanted to finally feel good about myself again.
I created a fake personality to make it appear like I regained that happiness. I wanted to astound you guys with how much maturity I've gained and how intelligent I've become. I created this fake personality in hopes of tricking myself into thinking that I was truly happy again. But it reshaped me. It made things worse.
But now I don't care. I don't care anymore. I will not care anymore. Is that what makes you think I'm fake? I won't care what you say anymore. I'll have my own opinion. I'll love myself and if you don't love me? f--- off. I won't bother with people who don't like me. If I didn't admit that I cared, you guys wouldn't think that I'm fake. I'll only care if the people that cared about me continue to care about me. And you're either on that boat or you're staying at the dock.
I'm probably going to relapse again. I know I will. Most people do after trying to get better. But I'll do it."
And boy would that have sounded great. But I can't. I kinda held myself back from submitting it. I hate myself for it. I guess I'm not ready to shed this outer shell. The inner me...isn't ready to show, I guess. I'm sorry.
^ This was the very first thing I posted on this account. And I cringed at it. Look at all those negative comments. I needed to escape from all that.
So please, love me more! Praise and accept me! I crave your praise! I need your acceptance! I need reassurance! I need friends! I need popularity! Please love me! Please.. I need you to see how great I am! Recognize me! Recognize my achievements! Don't you see how much I've matured? I'm such an amazing person now! I've changed! I've...changed...
I'm...sorry..... -
Oh, look at me... I'm like a little Nagisa Shingetsu. He acts mature and smart for praise and acceptance. He wants to be recognized as an elite. I love him...we're so alike...we belong together. Ah, he's so perfect.. just like he acts as so..
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care_bear19 NoviceAlright so, I don't know you, and maybe it isn't my place to comment but, I do not think you are pathetic. I think you are just sad, and being said makes us do stupid things. But these things that we do, is because we are scared. Of what? Well it depends on the person and the situation. It doesn't make you pathetic or a bad person. It makes you human.
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