It's all my fault.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:33pm
Thread Topic: It's all my fault.
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alex you're not ignored.
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Alex :( I hate seeing you sad, you're NEVER a little s---. You know I care and I would help you through anything, right? Just come to me when the world shuts you out. I'll be there for you.
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Otaku, he's in your heart. As long as you have the memories, he'll be with you. Coming from experience, I'd say that I know exactly how you feel, dear. You're not alone.
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It's like Hiro from Big Hero 6.
Everyone says he'll live in our hearts and memories. That he's "still here."
He's not! I want to hold his hand again! I want to sob in his chest again! I want my Nii-san! My big brother! I want to smell him, he smelled like the ocean.. I just-- *cries* -
seems to me that I have been, I have been for the last 2 1/2 years, I have been for my whole f---ing damned life!
I know you'll help me. A lot of people do. But ir never seems to work, I have a couple quotes I wanna share;
"there's more than just being friendly, you have to be a friend"
"Ain't no wise words gonna stip the bleedin'"
"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive" -
God I relate with that last quote so much. I don't want to listen to that song though because it sort of triggers me. I have gone long time without doing it, but it is hard
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Otaku, he-he's gone. I know, it hurts, a lot. Until you reunite, I'll be there for you. When you cry, I'll cry with you. You mean a lot to me, dear. I'm your big (gtq) sister, I'm there to help you through life. You'll see him again when its your time, just, be strong and hang in there- for me. Can you do that, hon?
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I-I dunno... I'm not strong... I'm weak... How do people do this?! Gah! How do people win against depression... it's so hard..
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How you win....Otaku....is you find. ...someone that really cares and won't. ..won't give up on y-you...
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I found a few of those...
but it isn't working... -
You're my little soldier. When you feel weak, I'll help you stand. Depression- it's a b----. It's hard, I know. You'll get through it. I know you can, Otaku. All you need is hope, dear. Don't lose hope. Once you lose hope, you can't get it back. Lock it up tight and throw the key into the bottom of the ocean.
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My biggest brother, Charlie. Everyone says he's right with us. That everything will go the same way.
No it won't! I screamed, I threw my fists in the air. I grabbed a knife and I slit my wrists. Right at the vein. I got put in Valley Vista. I didn't eat. Every time someone tried to come in, I kicked, punched. I need my Charlie. I wrote this a while back ago. he so-called psychotically depressed person who tries to kill herself doesnt do so out of quote hopelessness or any abstract conviction that lifes assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fires flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. Its not desiring the fall; its terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling Dont! and Hang on!, can understand the jump. Not really. Youd have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.
They told me I wanted to do it for attention. Like I enjoy it. -
Now, I must go, dear. Feel better soon. *hugs* Goodbye.
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I'm afraid I lost my hope in humanity long ago..
damn it. I'm crying in real life now.. -
I have to go too... good bye..
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