I need feedback on this.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:31pm
Thread Topic: I need feedback on this.
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Mint POV
"Where in the gumdrops is this girl?" Me and the other girls were near the lockers, waiting for Cookie to arrive. I snarled in disgust, what person that wants to be a role model to everyone is late? "Its almost time for classes!" Raspberry cried out dramatically, enough for the students to look at her with weird faces.
Cookie is never late for things, especially Candy Pyschics. I hate that class, and I prefer Crumbculus but it deals behind the science and pyschical ways of candy.
"Oh, chill guys! She will be here in time!" Rainbow, or she likes to be called Sherbet, said as she leaned on the pink lockers.
The crowds of the excited stopped from being loudmouths to whispering and gasps. And we all knew who was walking in the halls, because it sure wasn't Cookie.
"It's Pink!"
"I like her dress, is that Creme Brulee's latest fashion!"
"So, gorgeous!"
The whispers of everyone filled into the halls, girls eyes were full and bright of admiration, guys were gawking at her potential beauty, and more gossip tended to get pass through the student bodies.
It was Pink S. Bubblegum, the most arrogant, selfish, snobby, vain person that only me and the Confection Girls knew. Everybody else seemed to fall for her "sticky" sweet personality, but behind all of that, it's like a wild gummy snake loose ready to find its sugary prey. She seemed way to perfect to be true, and the faces of Raspberry and Sherbet that I could tell they definitely remember her from sweetschool.
"Your princess has arrived!" Pink sashayed through the halls, and flipped her honeysuckle hair that looked silky and shiny. Her skin was as tan as Kim Parfaitdashian's and her slender hourglass body was dressed with the current fashions that other girls seemed to be envious of. Her crew of airheads followed behind her like they were her subjects and she was the mighty queen.
"Let's leave.." For the first time, Raspberry spoke quietly and non-dramatically and me and Sherbet both look at each other in agreement, and we left the scene.
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Cookie POV
I think I ran over a few people because I could hear the schools bell ring from where I was -
Ah, s---, if I read this, I'm gonna die of a major over-dosage of sugar...
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XD Ohhh shuddap
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Terrible.
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Meh. I am terrible at everything, your point isss?
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Not bad.
The intense girliness makes me want to hurl, but seeing as that was your point, it's actually good. I'm liking the character build-up so far. -
XD What you want some manliness in it?
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Nah, it's good. XD
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Haha, that's what I thought. XD
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