i actually have no idea when i slept last so it could be only 24 hours ago now or it could be almost two days, my current estimate is around the 36 hour mark
Every time I spiral into that, I need to just remind myself that you're just busy.
Everybody is.
I'm afraid of being busy, myself, because I know that that will be the breaking point of everything. if I get busy, there will only ever be silence, forevermore.
Based on some info I got today, I've more or less got a choice to make.
Devote what little unrequired attention I'll have, either to my friends or my hobbies.
And maybe this is a flaw, and the reason that I will never go anywhere in life, but in choices like that I pick my friends.
It'll be sad watching all my projects wither away, but I refuse to forfeit these friends that mean so much to me and have been such a huge part of my life.
And I'll probably lose all of them anyway, because life f---ing hates me for some reason.
I basically mean that I don't really want to become busy, because I fear I'll lose my friends, since they're already so busy we rarely talk. but I've got some stuff coming up that basically means I have no choice anymore, I am going to be busy. And I'm scared about it.
I also feel as if if I'm going to have any chance of holding on to my friends, I'll have to sacrifice what little free time I have left to just them, and so I won't get to work on the projects I enjoy doing. But out of the choices of the projects or my friends, I choose my friends, despite how hard losing either one of those options would be.
one day i will have been on this website for longer than i was alive without being on this website and it's weird to think at some point that will probably be the case
unless gtq guy really does just suddenly poof the site like we all joke about sometimes
