Oi.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:24pm
Thread Topic: Oi.
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I'm scared and happy and abfhrdibgifurwkfe im gonna die
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Why?
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I wrote this speech. And out of everyone in my class, I was 1#. But I have to recompete...
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Why?
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Mrs. Roxas couldn't decide.
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Oh. That's exciting and suckish.
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It's me vs. Cameron (The Stone Guard) and Chris (He doesn't come on yet).
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._. I don't know him, but good luck.
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Um, can you tell me if this is good...?
Anything Is Possible
Do you think anything is possible? It is. Don't believe me? Listen up! 'If I could do anything, what would I do?' We all ask ourselves this question repeatedly. But it's not all about what you would do. It's about believing in anything, trying anything, doing anything, even being anything! It's about believing you are your own person with control....in which you are! We all can do anything. You can, mainly. So take a moment and think. Anything can and by all means will happen. From becoming an actor to being the most well-known person in the world! Anything is possible. YOU just need the will to let it happen.
The first person I'd like to talk about is Martin Luther King Jr. This man was able to change a lot. His dream was that his children would live in a world where his children would not be judged by their color, but by their actions. His famous quote, 'I have a dream...' shows that he worked hard to make his dream come true. Martin Luther King Jr. changed everyone's opinions by believing in himself and working hard.
The second thing I'd like to talk about isn't one person- but many! At Corey Elementary School, a small group of seven kids strived to make a difference. In fact, I was one of the kids who started it. It was called the Wings Of Hope. What had started out as a small class thing turned into a huge world-wide school thing. We all worked hard to make a small Penny Drive start. We didn't do it for the fame, or for being smarter, or for being the new 'Teacher's pet'. We just wanted to let Sandy Hook Elementary school know that we cared. This small group raised over $300.00. In fact, the total was $307.75! Can you believe that some random kids were able to make a difference? -
The "We ask ourselves repeatedly" and "If I could....." Seems like it should be switched.
"A lot" used in the second paragraph sounds informal.
Instead of "his children" twice you could use "they" the second time
The last sentence of paragraph two sounds a bit off, not sure why.
Use "children" a few times instead of "kid" every time.
State the purpose of the movement sooner.
The last sentence again sounds a bit weird.
This is how I edit, but feel free to just go with what you have -
Okay.
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Yup. :I
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Thank you thank you thank you.
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Welcome?
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