Would you survive as an Oxford Student?

Oxford is full of many determined young individuals from many walks of life. Considered the world's leading academic establishment, many dream of spending their days amongst the 'dreaming spires' but few succeed.

Would YOU make the grade? Have you got what it takes to live amongst the scholars and the upper crust of the world's student population? Take our quiz and find out.

What is your age?
Under 18 Years Old
18 to 24 Years Old
25 to 30 Years Old
31 to 40 Years Old
41 to 50 Years Old
51 to 60 Years Old
Over 60 Years Old
What is your gender?
How would you describe your academic achievements thus far?
Very good
How much sleep do you require in 24 hours?
none (that's why caffeine pills were invented!)
1-3 hours
4-8 hours
8-12 hours
12 hours +
Where were you educated?
Public School (eg Eton, Winchester)
Grammar/Private School
City Academy
On the Streets
How would you prefer to spend your evening?
reading inspirational poetry in the bath
quiet drink with some friends
dancing the night away in the local club
drug-fuelled rampage through the streets of Oxford
sleeping (so you can wake up early the next day)
You have an essay on existentialist literature due in tomorrow morning. What do you do?
you spend the evening in quiet contemplation to submerge yourself in the existential mindset
the essay triggers an existential crisis and you spend the rest of the evening being talked down from the college tower
this isn't an issue - you did the essay last week so now you can have an early night
you pull an all-nighter and go to the tutorial with a (just about!) complete essay
pfft... who cares!
You go into a cafe: what do you order?
a mocha
a citron presse
diet coke
tap water
Your tutor is unreservedly critical of your much toiled-over essay. How do you react?
Punch him/her in face
Burst into tears
jump out of the window
vow to work even harder next time
Ask if there are any 'special' favours you can perform for him/her to boost your grades
Remind him him/her that their most recent paper was rubbished by the academic community and that their opinion doesn't even matter
You are propostioned by an amourous member of the opposite sex to go punting on the river Cherwell. What is your greatest fear?
That you will fall in
That you will punt formthe Cambridge side, rather than the Oxford side of the punt.
That your hair will get messed up
That your friends will see you and ridicule you
That it takes up valuable essay time
That you will contract a nasty STD after having the advantage taken of you by said amourous punter
You encounter a group of people chatting in the quad, what do you do?
Scuttle past discreetly and hope that no-one looks at you. Their inquisitive looks burn you to a cinder.
Give a perfunctory acknowledgement to someone you know, and walk on.
Announce your presence in a loud voice then proceed to extinguish any pleasure anyone was getting out of this impromptu meeting with your boorish conversational technique.
Geekily approach group and try to make them interested in the football-shaped molecule Carbon 60
Make a valued contribution to the conversation.
You don't have to do anything, you are the god of the social scene and as soon as you arrive the conversants prostrate themselves at your feet and beg for the pleasure of your company.
Visiting Magdalen deer park, you cross paths with a deer. What do you do?
Run from it, screaming
Stroke it, whilst composing a sonnet musing over nature's beauty
Entertain those around you with your knowledge on Magdalen deer and the fact that by law they are recognised as vegetables!
Tell Giles to go and get your shotgun
Your tutor hands you a brick and informs you that your next assignment is to throw a brick out the window. How do you respond?
give him or her a lecture on health and safety, including all your personal moralistic views
throw the brick at the risk of harming innocent children strolling along outside the college
quote - 'to be or not to be' and use it as an opportunity to philosophise on the nature of choice
ask the brick if it wants to be thrown
stare at them blankly
How would YOU rate your personal potential to achieve at Oxford University?
I'm already there!
Optimistic but sufficiently insecure to take this test
I don't really care
I'm now terrified of Oxford and could never conceive of ever entering the pearly gates

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