alexithymia
Thread Topic: alexithymia
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I need these meds to start working
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Every time I get mad I see my mother in me and I hate it
Suddenly I’m 12 crying on my bedroom floor again -
The one time I let down my guard is when her good streak breaks
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I miss her because she so quickly understood that I’m not a man or woman and ran with it
She made me feel loved and accepted for once and I miss it so much -
I’m so overwhelmed for literally no reason
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Back to hating life lolz
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I’m too tired to do life today
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I feel so unstable jeez
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I need to start remembering to take my meds and maybe I’ll feel okay
I’m going to hang out with my friend tomorrow, go to the aquarium maybe the day after, then nothing for the rest of the holidays -
Can’t tell if I’m tired or depressed but the self-loathing is here
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Fell into a little episode there
I keep overthinking everything -
I’m so scared my life is going to amount to nothing
I don’t even know what I want to do if everything fails. If my first book flops, I don’t know what I’ll do. I don’t want to work a 9 to 5 random job I’ll hate, I want to be a freelance author and make cool shows or movies or even musicals
But all adulthood seems to be now is just “make money or fail” -
And I won’t really have any time to fail if I want to move out early
Most successful authors were all settled when they started writing. Rick Riordan wanted to be a f---ing guitarist before he started teaching for 8 years, THEN he wrote books. Either that or they did some big writing competition at 10 and their first book was this huge thing that they worked on all their childhood and published when they were fresh out of high school (cough cough Jessica Townsend)
But if I don’t make it big then I just don’t get to pursue my dreams and it’s so f---ing scary -
if you want my advice, i would move out as a college student. Get your dorm room and stuff situated so you have a place to live, and then you also have the ability to write while you live away. I'm not at all qualified to give life advice tho
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That’s the problem with where I live, though. The only option I have for university (if I don’t want to drive into the city or hours away) doesn’t offer on-campus accomodation, since Australia doesn’t have the same dorm culture as America. I’m probably not going to go to that university, though, since I want to get as far away from here as possible lmao
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