Anxiety, depression, and eating disorders.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:35pm
Thread Topic: Anxiety, depression, and eating disorders.
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Learning how to deal with disorders when you're around other people is the key to surviving life. As you get older, you will get more and more group work in class. I don't see the point of it, especially because I work very well on my own to the point I can get a decent B, but teachers don't seem to understand that and push you into the class to make "friends". When you have social anxiety you start to freak your sht out when your teacher says, "alright, everyone get into groups of x insert number here x " why? Because you're usually one of those kids that's just awkwardly left over and the teacher has to locate into a group themselves. Why? Because you're that one awkward kid that talks to no one other than the usual 3-5 people and being located into this "group" will require you to speak to these people. So you start to panic and just hope you get one of those groups that lets you do all the work while they go on their phones and socialise with each other while you just sshhh and remain unnoticed. I'll be honest with all of you, I don't think I have ever thought of myself as a "normal" kid... because clearly i'm not, I mean, who transgends from male to female and female to male and act like it's totally normal? No one. Ever since middle school i've acted like everything was perfect and cool, when in reality I felt like everyone and everything was tumbling down around me.
I've never been happy with myself, tbh. I constantly feel like i'm not good enough for anyone because i'm not able to meet their expectations. Even when I was like 9 I knew I wasn't a normal kid. In elementary school I had a hard time talking to people, I had like two 'friends' who I later found out were spilling out information about me, and was that one kid the teacher hated having in class because I was just there to suck up oxygen, but in the end made no impact on the class. Even though I was exposed to a great number of people since the age of ten because of my father's work, I never really fit in with the position given to me... which now that I think of it, it wasn't because of my age, but because of my way of being I no longer hold it.
The fact I was different had never really bothered me, I didn't give any f---s during my elementary years, until about halfway through eighth grade. My condition kept getting worse and worse until it developed into what I found out to be a social anxiety disorder along with an eating disorder i've had for quite a while, which some of you already know about, which led to depression that comes and goes, and two failed suicide attempts. I'm willing to bet that no one is as skilled at developing plans to killing themselves as I am. I have two suicide attempts, which lead to pills, frequent counselling and a constant eye on me. The first one resulting in a rpc and suspension in 2009 for bringing a knife to school because I was going to slit my veins in the girl's bathroom during my parent's separation, but one of the "friends" mentioned above told on me, and I got caught... so I guess I do owe them a thank you even though I hated them for a long time for this, and the other in 2013 because of self esteem issues ending with a broken leg for throwing myself down the stairs.
In middle school I never had "that one group of friends you chill with." I was the "different" 12 year old girl with a "different" taste in music, personality, and clothes. Who usually was only talked to when help with a subject was needed. I went from "popular girls" to "gossips" trying to see which one was me. But I never found a group that accepted me. I mean, as much as they bonded and talked to me, I felt like they would talk about me when I left just like they did with the others. Like they didn't want me there, but they were too polite to tell me to gtfo because I was embarrassing them with my appearance, my "satanic" music, and just in general getting all jumpy and freaked out if anyone talked to me in a loud voice, or threw something at me. I also felt like they never really noticed me until they needed help with their algebra... So just like that I moved on with my journey of finding the right group for me.
Which I later gave up on and said, " You know what? f--- you all. I don't even care anymore." And that is how my solo journey began, along with the beginning of my high school years. Which are f---ing great, you know? X sarcasm X
Freshman year.
Ah, yessss, freshman year... being in a high school with multiple disorders is.... living hell. Having social anxiety has stopped me from creating friendships with about 98% of the people I meet. You know, because it's great to have half your classmates think you hate all of them and wish they burn in hell because you don't talk to them and when you do it's just a short snappy conversation with me just answering questions and not asking them back....which I sometimes do wish they would burn though ....and to make this even better, you have lovely lil ol depression here, which gets the best of me whenever I am by myself.. which is most of my day.. because the friends I do have posses a life or problems of their own.
Let us skip forward, ya? Ya. Anyway, around the end I believe of the year of 2014 or Idk, I have bad memory all I remember is it was in my freshman year, I met three awesome people. I'm just going to speak about one because they are the one I feel most connected to.
I met a lovely boy named Nathaniel when I was 14. Yes, I speak A LOt about Nathaniel. But we both have the same issues. So the two of us stick together like glue regardless of what people think of us. "You're going out?"No."you're siblings?"perhaps."you're both freaks." Indeed. Both of us have our own imperfections and issues, but we learned to overcome them. He lost someone close to him at the age of seven, yet he moved on. He's still going through depression, but doesn't let go of life. They've helped me just like i've helped them.
In the end I did find a group of my own. We might be weird and slightly broken, but we feel like we belong. All four of us make things work, you know? We might not be like the rest of the cliques, but we're still one in a way. Regardless of their ADD, or their OCD, or their depresion, or self esteem problems. I'm still dealing with depression, but I don't harm myself anymore. I look at the scars on my hips and ankles and just remind myself it's not necessary. I'm still weird and am an outcast in the world of socialising, but that's because i'm not ready to move out of my zone yet.
Your point of ranting your s---ty backstory life with us?
My point is that regardless of you having an eating disorder, depression, social anxiety, or ADD, OCD, ADHD, self esteem problems, self harm, or just in general a bad backstory, life goes on.
You don't have to fit in with everyone. It's okay to be that "weird kid." There are other "weird kids" out there in the world. And most of the time those kids grow up to be something great. So just keep that in mind whenever you feel down. Look past your imperfections and society and just be whoever you'd like to be. Don't crumble yourself down because of this. Trust me when I say you're not alone.
If you'd like ignore my post, idc it's up to you. I just needed to get some things off and reflect on stuff. I think a lot of people on this site should too, but hey feel free to do whatever the hell you want. Anyway, that's all I need to say. Feel free to continue doing what you were. -
I understand completely, and I am sorry you had to feel that. I know, it sucks.
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the social anxiety parts and the "12" year old girl parts sound awfully similar to what's going on to me ._. HELP SENPAI -
It does suck, unfortunately.
;-; I'm sorry. YUSH, I'M HERE TO HELPPP. -
Thefallingangel NewbieI, think I have,depression.:(
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Thefallingangel NewbieI, think I have,depression.:(
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Why so, dear?
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Oh wow,that's so sad.
Social anxiety(Angora Phobia)it's one of the worst phobia's a person can have, I would know because I've got it.
It's mostly the fear I have when I'm out in public and thinking *when am I going to have my next panic attack*, but yeah, we'll all survive it.
It's just a trick of the mind.
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